Elijah thought of the secrets he was keeping from Ben, not just ones from the past. He also thought about the priest who kept his head spinning. Certainly he couldn't talk about such things. "I.. can't really discuss it. You know how it is. Sometimes men are just.. haunted." He frowned and tapped at his temple lightly.

That only deepened his frown. "Come on, ye're like one of me own. Ye know ye can speak to me, Elijah." he invited.

Elijah looked up at the man before him. He imagined for a moment in his mind. Telling him the truth, all of it. How he knew about what Simon was up to long ago and didn't tell him. How he was the same as Simon. In his mental play, the man's face turned purple with rage and he had to flee before being attacked, all the while he was spitting insults and rage at him.

His head hung down as he took a deep, almost panicked breath. He stared at the floor and shook his head. "I.. will be ok. It just.. maybe I'm working too hard. Especially after finding that child.. I feel. uncertain about so much."

Benjamin nodded. Of course. The child. Elijah was getting older too. He knew just what his issue was. "You need a wife."

Eiljah looked up surprise and shook his head. "I.. I don't know. I mean.. Like I said. No woman would want me. And.. I wouldn't give her.. the time and affection.. she deserves. I'm so busy. And I wouldn't feel .. very .. um.. husbandy if I'd had a hard day. I think a woman would deserve better.." He said quickly trying to give some explanation. It wasn't a lie, technically.

Ben shook his head. "Ye underestimate yerself Elijah. You don't drink. You're not violent. You work hard. You have a steady income. And you are kind and compassionate. That makes you a better husband than over half the wretches in this town."

Elijah smiled weakly and looked away. " I know all that, but.. I don't.. want a woman to pretend to love me.. just so she could be married to a nice man with a steady life. Besides, I'm a constable. You can never guarantee anything in my life." He almost mentioned it was like being at sea, but Tom came to mind and he certainly knew better.

"No one can guarantee owt about their life, Elijah." He sat back and looked at him. "Would ye not reconsider countin' Rose. It wouldn't just be good for her. Ye'd do her a mighty favour."

Elijah looked at him a moment. "I think of her as family. I would always take her in, but I don't know if I could see her as a wife. She is more like a sister to me. He certainly didn't even know how Rose would react if he told her he'd marry her but never touch her, that would go well. He sighed and rubbed his face. "Sorry I must seem so difficult. I am grateful. and honored you'd want me as a son in law. It's just.. I guess I'm a romantic who believes in love." He laughed weakly. "Even if I can't find it, I would want it for others."

"Aye but love can make a girl's mind spin and make her do stupid things." Ben said with a frown. "I'd rather see her with someone that's capable of looking after her. But I get it. I guess you were always like one of ours..."