Elijah shook his head and sighed. "No. I'd never be able to live with myself if I did that." He smiled at her weakly. "I suppose your father never told you some of the more unsavory details in the case." Though Rose clearly knew, he decided not to worry about it. "I had hoped your father would be reasonable and not force you to marry someone. I believe that you could have found love on your own. It's rare but there are men out there who don't care about a woman's past and only who she is. And you are very pretty and have such a huge heart. I hate to see it trampled so."

Alice was absolutely puzzled. She shook her head. "No... What are you talking about, Elijah. What's with Simon? And what's it got to do with you and me?"

Elijah sighed and closed his eyes. "Please don't hate me. Your brother had no interest in women, correct? The man he had... disagreed with.. was a monster. But he went to him because of his secret that instead of women, he preferred the company of..." He was hoping she would understand. He didn't want to say it.

[CW: homophobia]

Alice was absolutely confused. She hadn't known that Simon had not been interested at all, only that he had not been interested in settling down and getting married. With him drinking and stealing and living an otherwise unevangelical life, she wouldn't have been surprised if he had spent time with prostitutes. Sometimes he would come home in the dead of night.

But what Elijah said next confused her even more, and she could only process it slowly. Preferred the company of... men? What did Elijah mean? Like a man would enjoy the company of a woman? Her eyes grew wide. Was Elijah saying that? She was not sure and hardly dared to ask, for fear of being wrong and embarrassing herself. She had heard of that once or twice, but it had always been in the context of ridicule. She had only learned about it because a friend had made a joke about it after church, when they had read a Scripture passage she had not understood. She had thought men who did such things were far away and surely not respectable or less respectable people around her. And Elijah... was Elijah like that?

It was too much and too confusing to process at once. Alice walked back to the sitting room and sank down on the sofa."I don't understand... you mean...?"

Elijah sighed as fear and worry got to him. "Just.. forget it.. please.. accept that I want better for you. I didn't know you'd end up with Tobias, but I still have hope you can find happiness eventually with someone. It just.. isn't me, and it is no fault of yours."

Alice stared at her hands, very disturbed, and unable to comprehend and order all the thoughts and emotions that ran through her right now. Her mouth was slightly opened. She just sat there in confounded silence.

Elijah looked at her sadly. "Please, it's still me. I've had this all my life that I've just ignored. I hated that part of me, and I wanted to change it but I can't. I am sorry but I didn't want to lie to you, and I don't want you blaming yourself for this." He sighed heavily hoping she wouldn't tell Ben. "I am happier living alone than hurting anyone with my character even if I did nothing, I can't be more for someone who deserves it like you." After what happened with Anthony, he surely wasn't going to try that again.

Anne looked up at last, a mixture of emotions etched all over her face. But then her eyes softened. "I don't think I would have minded it one bit."

Elijah smiled sadly as he hesitantly reached out to rest a hand on her shoulder, not sure if she'd pull away. "Between that and my scars, you would eventually be unhappy. I could always be there for you. But I wanted you to have the chance for love. I thought you'd end up with someone who could show you attention and affection, I am sorry that the one you ended up with has been so cold and uncaring. I thought he would be kinder to you.'

Alice did not pull away, but she looked down again. "He ain't... uncaring... In a sense... He makes sure I have what I need. Yet he does what he must, while despising me. I think my sins disgusted him too much in the end... And I don't even care." But he lip trembled.