06-14-2022, 02:39 PM
Elijah was clearly not happy, at least at the moment. He kept a small smile on his face though he felt awkward by the conversation. He could tell something was going through Zechariah but he had no clue what it was. He thought perhaps there was something there between them, but he was engaged and was still going that direction full force. It was like Gabriel all over again, there was someone or something else out there that they were devoted to and he had to be happy and supportive as much as it reminded him that he was never good enough.
Just thinking about it had him biting back any signs of the familiar ruminations on everything wrong or just not good enough in his life and how everyone around him moved on even if not happy, at least with a direction where to find it. He shut his eyes and pretended to clear his throat to compose himself. "Thank you. I.. will find my happiness somewhere eventually, I'm sure." He wasn't, not at all. "And thank you, I'm very lucky to have you as my friend. It makes me happy." And then he had to keep talking. Perhaps because his eyes were still closed and he was wanting to talk as it let him pour out words and not keep residing in his own thoughts.
"So many people in my life I worry they are there because I am useful. I helped a friend, Ruth, the other week. I watched her kids while she... I don't know where she went. I had to take them with me to work. And my family friend, the Wards. They were t here for me growing up and I'm always grateful to them. But sometimes, I worry they still keep me around because whenever they need a constable, they run to me." He looked down. "But the priests at St. Hilda's have been very kind to me though it's their calling." It was more than that for Gabriel but it had gone too far for his comfort so now Elijah could never see him for the other man's own soul. "But you, have nothing to gain but you are still so kind to me. I look forward to your letters so much and being able to spend time like this is.. a relief and comfort." And reminded him that he was lucky to have Zechariah around as the other man could do so much better in company.
Just thinking about it had him biting back any signs of the familiar ruminations on everything wrong or just not good enough in his life and how everyone around him moved on even if not happy, at least with a direction where to find it. He shut his eyes and pretended to clear his throat to compose himself. "Thank you. I.. will find my happiness somewhere eventually, I'm sure." He wasn't, not at all. "And thank you, I'm very lucky to have you as my friend. It makes me happy." And then he had to keep talking. Perhaps because his eyes were still closed and he was wanting to talk as it let him pour out words and not keep residing in his own thoughts.
"So many people in my life I worry they are there because I am useful. I helped a friend, Ruth, the other week. I watched her kids while she... I don't know where she went. I had to take them with me to work. And my family friend, the Wards. They were t here for me growing up and I'm always grateful to them. But sometimes, I worry they still keep me around because whenever they need a constable, they run to me." He looked down. "But the priests at St. Hilda's have been very kind to me though it's their calling." It was more than that for Gabriel but it had gone too far for his comfort so now Elijah could never see him for the other man's own soul. "But you, have nothing to gain but you are still so kind to me. I look forward to your letters so much and being able to spend time like this is.. a relief and comfort." And reminded him that he was lucky to have Zechariah around as the other man could do so much better in company.
