There were so many things he wanted to say to him. So many emotions, just under the surface … and so many more, far deeper than he wanted to dive.

Wanted to dive now. Now that it was over. Now that they had to move on. Now that he had bribed the most popular Pony jeweler for Sonia’s size (look, she blackmailed him, but was not all courting between men and women an elaborate dance of blackmail?) and had the wedding bands picked out.

I care! he opened his mouth to say, but then closed it. Fuck off! I laid candles out for a handsome man! he kept bit behind his lips. But the insistence that he was happy was … maybe true? Hopefully true?

Well. He would trust Elijah with his life – just not his opinion of himself.

“I—” love you, stop talking down on the man I love “– understand. I … hope—” what did he even hope of this? “That you find happiness, in whatever form that may take. I am happier that I have you in life.”

… Was he? It was rather exhausting to care so much for someone who was so casually cruel to himself. But he wanted it to be true, and therefore it was.