It started with a letter she wrote to her brother in the dark of the night. Pen was tired and weary, the gravity of Pippa's situation as well as her own having finally convinced her it was time to go. She knew she had overstayed her welcome even as justified as her actions were in her mind.

She had left it on his desk while he slept but kept mostly to Pippa's side, even sleeping on the floor on her bedding so she could be there. Somebody needed to and even as improper as it was to have done what she did, morally speaking, Pippa's intended had the right to see for himself because it was their choice lawfully considering nobody was her guardian in truth, her brother was only her employer, legally speaking.

It was the next morning that she woke up, stiff from her night on the floor but uncomplaining. She checked and Pippa was still sleeping off the medicine she had been given. The coolness of her skin relieved Pen, so she quietly took herself off to tidy herself up enough for dignity, and she quietly took herself to the kitchen.

She put together a simple meal, pieced together with bakery items because bread was not something she felt up for making. She threw a few eggs and a ham slice she divided. Tea was brewed and all was soon on the table except for a bowl of reheated soup for Pippa and some of the bread and tea.

She took that up and Pippa ate gratefully while Pen went back downstairs to eat, letting the girl have some quiet.

Brother,

As inappropriate as my actions were, I did what I felt in my heart was the correct thing to do. That being said, I am only sorry that the price was hefty, possibly losing you. Pippa needed to be held and is paying her heavy price for that and I have to even applaud her for the grace with which she has accepted her consequences. She once told me that the child could not go to somebody else, a child gave unconditional love and it wasn't their fault they were conceived.

Added to that, she only has us and neither of us understood the impact upon her. So it is with respect and love that I write this to let you know that I will be elsewhere once she is better. I am sorry, truly, brother, for  hurting you as a consequence of doing what I thought I had to.

All My Love,
Nel

(CW: reference to substance abuse)

He had meant to speak to his sister after he had examined Pippa. But when he came downstairs, he found the drawing room dark and deserted. The kitchen offered the same cold greeting. Penelope had either gone to bed or she was in her room avoiding him and Tristan did not have the heart to knock. A bowl of soup had been left out for him. He sat down to it, placing his oil lamp on the table. Soon he was resting his head on one hand, watching his spoon make slow stirring patterns through the soup. The yellow light flickered on the surface. His eyelids grew heavy. After what seemed like a long time, he realised that that spoon would never reach his lips and pushed the bowl away. Still he sat, weighed down by an increasingly shapeless but crushing sense of shame and dread. It was the promise of laudanum that finally roused him into getting up.

His sleep was dreamless but unrestorative. When he woke up, it took him a moment to remember what day it was and what he had scheduled. Then the events of the previous day came back. He lay back, covered his eyes with his hands and frowned.

In some kind of haze he finally got up, washed, dressed, shaved, and got ready for the day. Somewhere amid all of that, he found Nel’s letter and read it. Had he been that horrible?

By the time he appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, letter in hand, he was more awake. He looked at the laid out table. He really was a prick. He turned when he heard his sister come downstairs and looked at her like a schoolboy who had been caught at some mischief. “You couldn’t possibly lose me, Nel. I said some unforgivable things to you yesterday and I’m ashamed of myself,” he said quietly.

She was tired looking, her face filled with concern as opposed to anger. "That man still wants to marry her knowing she suffers," she said quietly, idly picking at the food on her plate. "And there is something you should probably know... Pippa has been buying our food with her own money mostly, I think to repay you for taking her in and maybe didn't want you to feel badly. I saw it in the journal she had sitting open, I only meant to close it and did not read more than a paragraph and only because it caught my eye. I cleaned her room some while she slept and slept on her floor in case she needed anything. It wasn't very comfortable but it was a small price to pay for seeing that and for her taking care of you especially..." Then she looked up at him, her eyes soft with genuine sadness.

"Her fever did break this morning, perhaps the worst is over."

There was no real response to his apology. Tristan shrunk away from the doorway to let her in and sat down at the table. Then came the next blow.

Reflecting on it, it all made sense. His accounts had been off. He had blamed it on his being shit at math and accounting. There was a reason his father had insisted he’d train as a doctor, rather than help in the business. After redoing his calculations several times, he had given up. It had never occurred to him… Dear Pippa. Poor Pippa. Had she known? And him scolding her all the time… And his sister sleeping on the floor to keep watch over her.

Tristan looked twice his age as he set there, shoulders drooped, forearms leaning on the table, looking at his hands. He plucked at the skin around his thumbnail, a bad habit from childhood which despite countless reprimands had never been fully suppressed. “Then she must be recompensated,” he concluded in a pragmatic tone. It was all he could do to not break. “As for that man who’s after her, she has no reason to fear him any longer. I found out yesterday that he’s been arrested and sentenced to death for the murder of her family. She can return to the life she had if we can arrange a cover for her… possible illness and pregnancy. Anyway, things will probably turn out well for her now.” His frowning face didn’t show it. But then, Penelope might not notice, as he was still looking down at his hands.

She nodded, relieved about that bit of news. As for the apology, it only just registered in her tired mind and she looked at him. Pen rubbed a little at her eyes and said, "I hope that things get better for her now that she truly is safe. I don't think she wants anything from you as to compensation, best to talk to her about it when she is awake." She then reached over and touched his arm as she had the night before, "Tristan, you could not have known the truth of everything and regardless of how much you believed, you still tried to keep her safe. She sees through the ire you sometimes have toward her some days just as I would to know you aren't a bad person... You have burdens too."

She pulled her hand toward her and moved to stand, only doing so long enough to pour him some tea and top hers off with the last of what was in the teapot. "I decided that I admire her greatly for her bravery in the face of all of this, more so the fact she was willing to learn how to cook and clean after living a lady's life. You still gave her that chance regardless of your beliefs and I am guessing these things gave her peace where embroidery wouldn't. She seems to have purpose instead of sitting idly."

Tristan stopped plucking at his skin when his sister touched his arm. He looked up tentatively, before quickly casting his eyes down again, for her words hit a nerve. There was a lump in his throat, his eyes burned and if he’d look at her now, he’d break. And once he did, he’d break down all the way. Nobody needed that right now. There was too much that needed to be done.

He was almost relieved when his sister let go. “Thank you,” he muttered when she filled his cup. He wrapped his hands around it to warm them. He didn’t think he could eat anything, but there was comfort in a warm brew and Nel’s care. “I agree, she is a remarkably brave and resilient young lady… So much so that I fear at times I haven’t fully appreciated that really she was just a frightened child. And so utterly alone in her grief. I thought I was helping her by teaching her what the real world is like.” He shook his head. “But what she really needed was solace. I could have lightened her load, even just a little bit. Instead I scolded and criticized her constantly.”

"Let her decide, Tris, about compensation." It was then that the sound of Pippa stirring caught her attention, and the girl appeared with her dishes, wearing the only dress she had that wasn't so tight it would cut off her breath. She had color in her cheeks as she caught sight of the other two, but she didn't say anything at all at the moment for the exhaustion etched upon her face. She gave a slight nod at the two before heading back to her room to rest.

Pen tilted her head and then looked his way, "Is the child going to be alright after that fever? I think I want to stay long enough to make sure she has somebody with her if something were to happen... I am to be a governess, I put myself out there for seeking employment, so I cannot be here too much longer."

That was the last thing he wanted to do. It only added to his shame. But as it was the only advice his sister had to offer, he nodded sheepishly. Her instincts had been sounder than his own.

They were disrupted by Pippa herself before they could say anything else. "Pippa, how are you feeling?" She certainly looked better than the night before, but still moved about like a shell of the girl he knew. And then she was gone, like a ghost. Tristan frowned.

His sister spoke again and Tristan turned his eyes back on her. A governess? When had she arranged all of that? In other circumstances, he would have argued with her about the suitability of such a position. As it was, there were bigger fires to attend to. "I think she will be well, physically. It's the mental side that I am most concerned with. But I think there will be someone who can attend to her. Regardless, Nel, I think you ought to go home. Just for a while. Not because of yesterday. I'm not mad with you. Only... Things may get nasty once people find out that a missing socialite has been working as a servant and got pregnant while she was under my roof." There was a slight tremor in his voice while he said that. "I'm still hoping to keep a lid on it, but some people know already and are jumping to conclusions. I want you to pack your bags and get on the three twenty train to Newcastle this afternoon. I telegraphed home last night for someone to pick you up from the station."

Pippa seemed to have missed what Tris had asked her but she did look better. Nel took a look over at her brother and said, "She might just be groggy from the medicine that we gave her." She knew whenever she got sick and some medicine had been given like that, she herself got groggy in the morning after taking it.

"I don't want to go home, Tris," she said. "I know what is going to happen but the solution is already available. Mister Blacke said he would marry her still knowing she was ill and that would squash all kinds of rumors. However, it should be when she is better aware of herself than right now and her choice to make. I know you are trying to protect her, but the scandal will come regardless of me being here or not... And you forget that servants like to talk especially, the news will spread no matter... but it would be less harsh for her if she married." Hopefully he would see reason this time. "I saw the way her treated her, he was gentle and kind to her."

Tristan shook his head. He put his hand over his tired eyes and frowned. Then he lowered it and looked at his sister with a sad expression. "It's not Pippa's safety I'm concerned with, here, Nel. It's ours. Although Mr. Blacke's involvement may be a godsent if he chooses to claim paternity. But there are too many unknowns now. Pippa may not want him, now that she has a way back to her old life. I doubt she's stable enough to decide anything at all. And gossip is already spreading. I was accused of... Of taking advantage of her, last night. I want you out of this town before nightfall."