"It doesn't matter what you want for her, though, it matters what SHE wants as it is HER life. What do you want for YOU? What do you want to happen for you? I think that's another thing she was trying to give you, was the opportunity to fly too." She pointed to the letter, in fact. "She wants you to be happy. What will make you happy that isn't her doing? Do you want to keep wandering about aimlessly? That just seems like it isn't making you happy."

In fact, him wandering around made her kind of unhappy. Maybe because she really liked him and she wished he knew how much. Maybe this was the time she had waited for, and while she didn't like that he had been gone after being there with her and her grandmother so much, it gave her plenty of time to think about things regarding him. "I know what I want for you, but it would just seem stupid for me to tell you," she hedged on purpose, wanting to spark his interest but wanting to play it off at the same time.

Pony frowned, the words making him more unhappy and he stared away from her. He asked for another drink and dragged his fingers through his hair. "I don't know. I used to have a plan. It wasn't easy, but it was something." He rubbed at his eyes and his voice shook a little.

"I worked hard, wanting to get enough money to buy a small farm. I don't know much about it, but.. it's like the picture of a quiet simple life. I wanted to move into a little plot in a small town and just.. live a quiet life away from a lot of people. Was gonna finish selling all my 'concoctions' and be able to just.. retire with my sister. I pictured she'd meet someone nice in the small town and court for a year or so like people are supposed to. And I'd be able to approve and make sure she was safe. And things would just be a good quiet life. But none of it happened. SO I don' t know."

He opened his mouth to say something, the sadness and bitterness still on the edge of his tongue but shut his mouth immediately.

She was not sure what to say. He had it in his head that he had to be proper at all times even though he wasn't always. And then he was talking about finding a girl to court for a year when she thought maybe... well... apparently not. That stung. He might even see the hurt in her eyes if he looked her way even though she averted them. "I see," she said. "I hope you find her then, whoever she is. And Pony... just... try to be happy." With that, she moved to stand, not wanting him to see the hurt he unintentionally inflicted upon her.

She didn't want to chase after someone who didn't see her the way she wished he would, didn't want to see whoever else he chose. The bartender came back out toward the end of the conversation and overheard both of them. He watched his friend move toward the door, and then he looked at Pony and said, "You know, you seem to be a bit dense. You have something right in front of your nose and you are ignoring it." He gave a shrug and refilled the drink, setting it in front of Pony.

Pony watched her go, confused. Her words had left him even more perplexed. When the bartender spoke, he arched his brow. "What? How could ... Gah! " he stood and took another drink, this time for the liquid courage, and moved to her. He lightly took her arm to turn her to face him. "Talk about being dense. Where in that conversation did you hear me talk about finding someone for myself? I was talking about wanting a quiet life, but I wanted my sister to find someone nice to make her happy. You've made me happy, despite our ..." he shrugged not sure how to say it. "Shaky start. But you also said you didn't want or need anyone. And you know the kind of man I am. Certainly you would want better, right?" He thought of how she'd probably prefer one of those sensitive rich types who made all a woman's worries slip away.

"You wouldn't know, you haven't been around to ask me of late how I feel," she bit out, pulling away. "You're talking and talking and complaining about your sister, and then you go off on a whim without so much as a fare-thee-well, Pony. And you're always talking about plans this and plans that, but you were already welcome to get a start with my grandmother and me. Do you honestly think I would have allowed you to park your cart in front of my house and let all the neighbors see if I didn't have feelings for you?" And then she pulled away.

"You want to lay out plans but you don't want to follow through because you're too busy being angry at Karen. By the way, I went to her wedding to help, and I can tell you right now that her husband loves her so much you can feel it radiating from a mile away. Stop... planning everything and live for the moment, for fuck's sake. And stop running away every time you're angry." She was crying now in her anger and hurt. "I don't want or need -ANY- man, I need YOU." With that, she whirled around again, crossing her arms but not leaving. "I don't care about your past, I care about you, and you make me so mad sometimes," she said over her shoulder. "I like it better when you aren't bitching about her and how -she- hurt -you-. You hurt her too. You are so confused about what it means to love that you have this idea that it's supposed to be planned out or something. Is it because your father was a swine? Because from where I stand, you're using him as an excuse to try and be controlling of the things you have no control over."

Pony watched her and threw up his hands. "I didn't think it was a problem. I was being a complete gentleman and you'd grandmother was just about always there. There couldn't have been rumors the way we were, I wouldn't have done that to ya." He said, some of his Irish slipping through.

"And I feel I have a right to be angry, it is my feelings in't it? Just as I feel like I have a right to clear my head. And I'm not using my father as an excuse. You didn't know him like I did. He is the reason I didn't want her to love no doctor. And he was more than a swine. You never probably spent a day in an institute like I did. I didn't want her to end up in a bad situation. And she could but like I said.. it doesn't matter now, does it? You can say yer right and that I drove her away or that it is all my fault. I shouldn't have cared what she did and let her end up with any Tom she found. It's fine then. It's been done. And you csn say you care about me, but this is me. I'm someone who wants to protect even when I don't know how. And the frustration when I can't haunts me. But that is a burden I try to bear alone because I am not gonna lock someone away or anything. All I have is my words and my wishes. And what good are those? Even you are mad at me when all I had hoped for was a sympathetic ear. But I am in the wrong since I wasn't here. Did ya even ask me ta stay? You might have hinted that you wanted me ta, but I am not gonna make plans on something that might just be talk and not what comes from the heart."

He turned away from her to go back to his seat. He took another drink and squashed his embarrassing accent. "I have no plans now so I am simply needing to figure out what to do with myself. And you can be angry at me or forgive me. But either way, you need to be clear. I don't like playing games."

"How could I ask you to stay when you left without a word?" she cried out, twisting around to face him. "You can't keep... Acting like I am attacking you for trying to get you to see that you're being an idiot. It's not so much about you needing an ear, I've always given you an ear! But you keep doing it over and over again, always angry because you say you care about her. I am not blaming you at ALL for her leaving, but you have to let her choose for herself how to live! Just like you need to make choices for YOU." She paused and moved to sit furiously next to him, "Do you really want clarity? Hmm? How is this for clarity! It's you I thought of when the new madame of this place asked me to become one of the new girls that work upstairs. I thought of how you might react, how disappointed you would be. I've brought you up every day you were gone, bothering anyone and everyone with wondering where you were, how you were, if you were hurt or fine or who knows what? And yes, the neighbors HAVE talked. You're an unmarried man sleeping in the yard of an unmarried woman and you spent plenty of time in my presence that there was already speculation I lay with you. I didn't care because it wasn't true! I was just happy you gave me the time of day!! And how on earth do you want me to tell you I've already BEEN in love with you this whole... blasted..." and then she shut up and clapped her hand over her mouth, realizing what she blurted out.

Pony listened and his expression didn't change. There was no point in arguing. He sighed and looked away as he rest his elbow on the bar. Then her last confession escaped and he looked over surprised. He wanted to laugh because a small part of him wanted to be like 'see? Even at my worst I can be charming' but it seemed cruel and harsh considering their situation.

"I'm sorry the neighbors have talked. And you have had to put up with me. I just never had a solution I wanted and I suppose one would never come. I have no plans now, and no idea what to do with myself. I don't want to be useless and I don't want my past as a salesman to pop-up and give you a hard time. You'd feel bitter and angry at me for loving you and trapping you in a bad relationship." He sighed and sipped his drink. Did he love her? It felt cruel to her if he did.

She stared at him a long time, hand still poised at her mouth. Ginnie had an aha moment... He was insecure in his ability to protect, perhaps... Maybe even be in a relationship. She did something she wasn't planning on doing first, for she had wanted to wait for him. Slipping off the stool, she moved right up to his side, which was only a little way from her stool. She reached to the cheek on the other side of his face and turned his head if he didn't stop her, then pressed a soft kiss to his lips. It wasn't experienced, but it was meaningful. Then she would pull away only a small amount so he could only have sight of her eyes, assuming he did so, and she said, "I want you to stay. I want you to sleep in my house and protect me. I want you around because you make me laugh and you're so kind with my grandmother, and the others be damned if I care what they think, because you are worthy of love. Let somebody else give you a chance to take the self imposed weight you have... You don't always have to kick yourself because of things out of your control. You can give up your past if that is what you want and make a future with me. Someone who sees you as the strong man you are. I can't make you do anything, I can only tell you that I want you to be around and it hurt when you weren't because I do love you." And with that, she pulled away. She took the drink the server put down, well, another one for Pony, and she drank it down, herself, before setting it gently on the bar and moving away at a slow pace that could easily be caught up to.

Pony seemed uncertain. The kiss seemed to relax something in his features, but still hesitation kept him. Before she could leave, he did stand and follow. When he got close, he grabbed her shoulders to turn her towards him.

"You don't know what you're asking. I ...want to do those things. But I'm still uncertain of my path. And I don't want to hang on you as no good as I hope between jobs. I want to be stable. And I don't want you hating me for it if I'm not."