[CW: Internalized homophobia]

It was after he'd been patrolling town when he decided to pass by the presbytery to get his basket back. It had been a little time and he had no intention of being there long.  Just pop over, grab the basket and go. 

He stood at the door and held up his hand to knock but then froze. He'd only seen Gabriel once since returning and the memories of him collapsing were fresh in his mind. He still prayed daily for his swift recovery and guilt gnawed on him for dropping the man. 

He rubbed his face and laughed weakly to himself.  The poor man was still in recovery,  so it would be Father Brennan, or Mrs. Higgins who would answer. Or perhaps that strange man, Francis, would be playing the role of butler. Either way, he took a breath to calm himself and knocked.

Gabriel was slowly getting better. He still had to lie down sometimes, and the doctor had warned him to take it slow, but at least he felt he could do something with his day, rather than feel like he was miserable every second he was not in his darkened bedroom.

Right now, he was using that time to do some cooking. Mrs. Higgins was away to see a family member who was ill, and Malachi was paying house visits, and so this task fell to Gabriel. He didn't mind it. He was eager to be useful after spending most his time in bed for over a week, and he preferred it over having to talk to people at the moment.

Only he did have to talk to people; there was a knock at the door.

He took a deep breath, put his knife down, and slowly made his way to the door. His heart almost stopped when he opened it. At least this time he didn't faint. He had had some time to think about what he'd do when he'd meet Mr. Crane again, since he knew it was bound to happen.

He had also forgotten anything he had come up with.

He stared, mouth hanging slightly open as if he had been about to say something, but the sound never made it past his lips.

Elijah was about to speak, apologize for the sudden visit, but he froze seeing Gabriel there. It seemed like a painting come to life, both sides unmoving. He stared at the man he had feared seeing, the man he'd let down...literally.

"It's you.." he finally said barely over a whisper. It seemed to shake him back to his senses and he looked away, "Ah! I am so sorry to come at such an hour, unexpectedly but..." he looked at him again and his voice failed him. "But.. i.I.. I'm so sorry. " He looked weak and pale, worse than before. But he was still so beautiful , it filled the constable with shame for his own actions.

"How..are you feeling? If..I may ask?"

There were a million things he wanted to say, and very few of them could be said. He was in control now. He had mortified the flesh until he was in full control of it. Then why did his chest still flutter at the sound of Mr. Crane's voice.

"Please... why don't you step in for a moment?" Gabriel said. That was bad. Dangerous. Of course. But they had to talk eventually, and it couldn't be done here in the public eye. Father Brennan wouldn't be back for an hour or so at least, Gabriel believed. He'd speak to Mr. Crane quickly, and then the business would be finished forever.

That thought hurt him more than it should.

Elijah was surprised to be invited inside. He forgot to tell him the reason for his visit and went in. The smell of cooking hit him and he remembered the awkward moment over soup that felt so long ago.

"You're cooking now?" He wanted to speak of anything than what the priest might have in mind. When he was invited in, his heart skipped a beat and he mentally chastised it for such a reaction. He'd reread that note so many times , but whatever he wanted he knew they couldn't have. Still, he looked upon the other man's face and couldn't help but feel the longing and compassion for him rise like a wave . He feared when it would crash down and all he could do would be to look away.

Gabriel closed the door behind him. He avoided meeting Mr. Crane's eye. "Uhm, yes... Mrs. Higgins has some time off. Why don't you come into the kitchen?" He gestured in its direction. It would be easier to talk to Crane if he had something else to direct his attention to.

Elijah nodded at the suggestion and followed him. There was something here and he couldn't describe it. It was like nothing he had read or experienced before. It was so unusual that he wondered if more than a handful of men ever experienced it.

His body nearly vibrated with an excitement but also every foot step felt heavy as lead in some unconscious effort to resist moving forward.

Gabriel still didn't look at Crane as he returned to the place where he had been cutting vegetables. "Please, have a seat," he gestured, looking at the chair rather than the constable. Would it be rude to work while he was speaking? He'd probably end up cutting himself anyway. And so he just stood over the table, hands near the cutting board, waiting for Crane to sit. One hand drew together, as if to make a fist, but he stopped himself midway.

That sense of dread grew. He found himself staring at his feet as he obeyed and sat down at the table. He hung his head a little and rest his hands on the table. He noticed the fist being made then relaxed. Was the man angry at him?

He felt like he was about to get lectured, but whatever he was going to say would hurt worse. He looked slowly up at him and even though a word about them hadn't been said, tears started to appear. "It's good to see you again. I.. are you mad because... I-I dropped you on the stairs on Sunday ? Or..because I tried to follow you when you left?" He looked at his face even though he felt sick with shame and was fearful of the answers. If Gabriel was going to be unkind to him, he knew he'd deserve it, but he at least wanted answers perhaps the last time they ever spoke again.

He'd be reserved. A reserved apology. Unengaged. And then Crane could be on his way and live the life he wanted to live and hopefully forget the embarrassing letter, and Gabriel...

Christ had descended to hell. At least he'd not be alone in his suffering.

But he couldn't help looking up at Crane when he heard the cracked voice. Tears. Elijah was crying. His heart melted sooner than his mind could intervene. With two steps, he was by Crane's side and he put his hand on the constable's. A mistake. But it was done.

"Please, why should I be angry with you. I should be the one to apologize."