Simon didn't know whether to relish the hug or push Elijah away. He wanted to do both things at once. He finally rested his head on Elijah's shoulder, wishing he would still change his mind and want him, crave him.

Elijah held the hug and lightly patted his back. He didn't know what to say . "Is ..is this part of why you wanted to leave town ?"

And at Simon broke down at last. With a strange kind of snort, the tears came flowing. Simon pulled back, nodded, and covered his eyes with his hand, trying to regain control over himself. He had embarrassed himself enough, but he couldn't seem to stop himself. He had carried around this lonely secret for so long.

Elijah gasped and looked at him. He patted his back and drew him close to sit on the sofa. "It is alright. I've cried at night alone too. I have gotten better though over time. But you aren't like me. You may find someone..."

Simon sat down and put his head in his hands. He shook his head. Whenever Elijah mentioned the possibility of finding someone, he felt worse. He wished he could tell Elijah the full story, come clean, better his life. But he knew he would mess up again. What was the point? Once he was in York, then things would be better. Then he would be faithful, and truthful, and hard-working. Once he was in York, he'd be a better man.

Elijah felt worse feeling certain it was his denial that had affected him so.

Simon finally regained some control. "I er..." he started carefully. He wiped his eyes. "I really shouldn't have done that, Elijah. I'm sorry..."

Elijah shook his head. "I understand.. Perhaps I'm the first who you found out was this way ?"

He sighed and shook his head. "The first who was close..." He looked at Elijah with a horrified look. "I have done some... bad things, Elijah..."

Elijah looked at him concerned. "Everyone makes mistakes. You can tell me..."