Elijah shook his head and frowned painfully. "D-don't be kind to me, Father. You are being kind, but you must find me as awful as anyone else would if they found out the truth. Even if I never did.. that .. with a man. I might as well have if they found out and judged me. You are trying to lead me to the right path, a-and I appreciate it. I truly do. But I keep failing you and myself and everything else. Even though I'm trying my best to avoid sin.. I am weak and feeling weaker all the time. It isn't because the desire is growing, it is because I want to enjoy something in my life. If I could have enjoyed women I would probably go weak and seek out a woman who could handle me for my scars and marry her. I don't want to be terrible. I just can't find a way to be happy and the way God wants me to be. And.. it isn't fair I have to .. just.. not be happy."

He hung his head and found himself crying a little.