01-15-2023, 11:05 PM
She looked up at him again, silent for a long moment after his round of questions. "I could not go back now..." she said almost too softly to be heard. She cleared her throat in an uncomfortable manner, then audibly swallowed. "I'd be called a trollop there just as much as I would be here. I thought about..." she faded away and then the shame in her eyes was palpable, radiating almost as vibrant as a sunbeam.
"I thought about finding a way to... make it go away... but I... I don't think I can do that," she choked out, "And I... I just do not think I can endure a trip across the sea again..." She squared her shoulders and lifted her chin, a small bit of her former self... a part of her Tristan may not have observed yet before... slipped through the grief and pain that she was enduring. "And the thought of an innocent child being subjected to the poor conditions of an orphanage, should I choose that way to try and fix this mess I am in... well... I do not believe I have it in me to do that either. I will endure what I must... I will not lie about my sins. I was weak, Dr. Wells, and I made excuses for it... But it is going to be on my shoulders for the rest of my life regardless of the choices I make henceforth."
Pippa then stopped wringing the fabric in her hands, the rumpled textile falling to rest in her lap. "It's clear to me now that the only way to fix this is to never give my heart to another but the child, for he or she will know so much hate for their birth. They need to know that it wasn't their cross to bear that I acted foolishly. I will not lie about their father to them. I will tell them exactly what my responsibility in this was when they are able to understand, and try to instill the bravery into them that they need to face the consequences of my actions... which seems so very unfair... but the world is cruel."
She paused and closed her eyes for a moment, inhaling deeply through her nostrils and exhaling through her mouth. "I am sorry for the shame that I have brought to your household, sir. Truly." It was the first time she apologized without the annoying sting of tears that would cling to her eyes most of the other times...
"I thought about finding a way to... make it go away... but I... I don't think I can do that," she choked out, "And I... I just do not think I can endure a trip across the sea again..." She squared her shoulders and lifted her chin, a small bit of her former self... a part of her Tristan may not have observed yet before... slipped through the grief and pain that she was enduring. "And the thought of an innocent child being subjected to the poor conditions of an orphanage, should I choose that way to try and fix this mess I am in... well... I do not believe I have it in me to do that either. I will endure what I must... I will not lie about my sins. I was weak, Dr. Wells, and I made excuses for it... But it is going to be on my shoulders for the rest of my life regardless of the choices I make henceforth."
Pippa then stopped wringing the fabric in her hands, the rumpled textile falling to rest in her lap. "It's clear to me now that the only way to fix this is to never give my heart to another but the child, for he or she will know so much hate for their birth. They need to know that it wasn't their cross to bear that I acted foolishly. I will not lie about their father to them. I will tell them exactly what my responsibility in this was when they are able to understand, and try to instill the bravery into them that they need to face the consequences of my actions... which seems so very unfair... but the world is cruel."
She paused and closed her eyes for a moment, inhaling deeply through her nostrils and exhaling through her mouth. "I am sorry for the shame that I have brought to your household, sir. Truly." It was the first time she apologized without the annoying sting of tears that would cling to her eyes most of the other times...
