03-15-2022, 05:00 PM
Elijah had been glancing up after speaking and saw the reaction. There was surprise, and he felt more shameful. He glanced down as he hate some stew and then listened to the other speak. It was surprising, of course a priest would know the sins of other Catholics. He was still surprised to hear it, he always felt so alone and like the only black sheep in the flock.
"It's alright. I would never judge you for your surprise, father. Besides, you are still sitting here and eating with me. I feel unworthy of your kindness in treating me like a person despite my... sins." He said simply though it was more than sins, it was his frustrations, and self esteem issues.
He certainly never expected to hear the priest tell him he wasn't undesirable. It was true, the two men who'd seen his scars hadn't been turned off by them. Every time he looked at them he saw the past, the pain, the failure. Maybe they weren't as bad, but then none of them had heard the taunting of his peers when he was a child and they were fresh. His eyes moved to his hands and he finished the mouthful of food. Elijah stared at Brennan trying to seek if it was truly just words to ease his troubled heart. He couldn't tell so he looked down and decided to believe him.
"You're very kind, thank you. I guess I never know if what I've accomplished and have is enough but I guess I fear failure with people so much. I've certainly tasted it before."
He chuckled sadly, "That is so true. I.."He covered his face in shame. "I even told the man I liked that we could simply love each other and not be physical, I was so desperate to be close to him. He said it wouldn't work, he wouldn't be able to control himself, and it's true. The slightest hint and I could feel my barriers wish to fall. I am an animal.." He took a deep breath and sipped some tea. "It is the emotional love I crave, but I suppose I am as physically weak as anyone when I truly want something."
"It's alright. I would never judge you for your surprise, father. Besides, you are still sitting here and eating with me. I feel unworthy of your kindness in treating me like a person despite my... sins." He said simply though it was more than sins, it was his frustrations, and self esteem issues.
He certainly never expected to hear the priest tell him he wasn't undesirable. It was true, the two men who'd seen his scars hadn't been turned off by them. Every time he looked at them he saw the past, the pain, the failure. Maybe they weren't as bad, but then none of them had heard the taunting of his peers when he was a child and they were fresh. His eyes moved to his hands and he finished the mouthful of food. Elijah stared at Brennan trying to seek if it was truly just words to ease his troubled heart. He couldn't tell so he looked down and decided to believe him.
"You're very kind, thank you. I guess I never know if what I've accomplished and have is enough but I guess I fear failure with people so much. I've certainly tasted it before."
He chuckled sadly, "That is so true. I.."He covered his face in shame. "I even told the man I liked that we could simply love each other and not be physical, I was so desperate to be close to him. He said it wouldn't work, he wouldn't be able to control himself, and it's true. The slightest hint and I could feel my barriers wish to fall. I am an animal.." He took a deep breath and sipped some tea. "It is the emotional love I crave, but I suppose I am as physically weak as anyone when I truly want something."