Elijah shook his head as this feeling in him grew. "No. You have to stop blaming yourself for my actions. I am the one who confessed my feelings for you first. I was the one who kept trying so hard for a friendship you clearly couldn't have." He buried his face in his hands.

"And Anthony.. that was .. a terrible mistake. I was so eager and weak for someone. A distraction from you. He was the first man...ever.. that I knew was like me apart from ... a family friend. And he liked me. I was willing to fall into him completely. Or at least I thought I was. But every time it was between you two. It was you I picked every time. When I saw that letter...I didn't even hesitate to run after you. I hurt everyone around me with my selfishness. You have been so kind and good to me. You've been so much better and stronger than I could hope to be, Father Richards..," he had to mentally prepare himself to say that instead of his first name.

"I am here to apologize because it is me who needs to. I can't help wanting to be close to you. And I wish I had your strength to stay away and life my previous life. It is my fault and mine alone I can't get you out of my head. And it is my fault I hurt you so much and I've caused you so much trouble. I wish my heart could be turned but it feels as immovable as a mountain. " He couldn't dare look at him.