They walked on slowly, clinging on to each other for dear life, but they were forced to let go at last, for it became too difficult to walk side by side in the dark. Anne walked behind her sister, endlessly it seemed. She soon lost track of time and couldn’t tell whether they had walked under this darkness for minutes or hours. But she knew that they had covered only a short distance. They could only move slowly, testing every step for obstacles.
At some point, they decided to rest a little. The girls sat down, even though the ground was hard and cold. They were so tired and their feet so sore, that they preferred it over standing. Anne could feel her legs tingle as she stretched them out in front of her. There were painful spots on her feet, where she knew blisters had formed and maybe burst. For a while, her sore body cherished the rest, but when Alice’s hand found hers, Anne noticed how cold it was, colder than her own. That shook her out of her merciful drowsiness.
“Alice, we have to keep moving,” she said, alarmed.
“I know…” came her sister’s desperate voice.
On they went. Anne clenched her teeth and tried not to think of how tired and cold she was and how every step made her want to cry, of how dark it was, and how they had no idea where they were going, of how there was no one to help them for miles around. She tried not to think of all this. But she failed. Anne had never known that darkness could be so dark. There was street lighting in Whitby, and even in her yard, which didn’t have any, it was never fully dark, with dim light coming from the street and cottages. But this darkness was absolute. It was terrifying. It invaded her thoughts until she was certain they would never see light again. They were going to die. She panicked:
“We can’t see owt. We don’t even know if we’re goin’ straight!” The girl crouched down and covered her face with her hands, drawing fast, sharp breaths, unable to steady herself.
She felt Alice kneel by her side and take her in her arms. “Shhhhh… Calm yourself. We’ll be okay.” Her sister rocked her, until Anne had calmed a little. Alice helped her up. “Come, we have to keep going. Listen to my steps. One foot after the other, alright? I’m right here, my dear.”
Anne nodded, but she realized her sister couldn’t see it. “Alright,” she whispered in a shaky voice.
They began to move again. Anne tried so hard to be brave, but all she could think of was how small and fragile they were in this wild and frightening no man’s land, and she wondered now what madness had come over them in the first place, to flee home. Anne no longer cared even if father would be livid. She wished they were at home, and she could beg for his comforting embrace, and she knew that eventually he would not withhold it. How she needed his embrace now. Poor father. He had to be so desperately afraid for them now that they hadn’t come home before night, and he didn’t even know yet how precarious their situation was. Anne could picture their bodies lying on the moors; faces pale and cold; wind-borne strands of hair dancing merrily around their lifeless faces in a cruel contrast; their fingers entangled, as they had desperately held on to each other until the end. She imagined their bodies decaying in this abandoned, hostile land, perhaps never to be found. Anne felt a warm tear rolling down her cheek. She didn’t want to die like that. She pressed her lips together and wiped her nose with her sleeve so that Alice would not hear her sniff.
At some point they were forced to climb a low stone wall, and they decided to follow it, their hand on the stone surface to guide them, hoping that it would lead them to a farm. After a while they turned, and later they turned again, and turned and turned, until they realized they were going in circles. Discouraged, they climbed over the wall again and, having lost all sense of direction, they just walked on without aim, into a valley, up another hill, and on. They hoped that they weren’t going back into the no man’s land they had just come from.
Then came the rain, and Anne did not even try to hold back her tears. She felt the water soak through her woollen shawl and cotton dress until even her undergarments were moist against her skin, and her skirt clung cold and uncomfortably to her legs as she walked. Her soaked, woollen shawl was heavy on her tired body. She was shivering. And still they walked. They walked in the cold rain, until their clothes and hair seemed saturated, and their bodies were chilled to the bone, and their shoes and stockings covered in mud. And still they walked, for it was the only thing that kept them somewhat warm. Anne wondered who would collapse first.
“Anne!” came Alice’s voice all of a sudden. “Look!”
Anne had half closed her eyes against the rain. It was so dark that it made no difference. But now, for the first time in what felt like hours, she looked up, blinking a few times and trying to peer through the rain. And then she saw it, vaguely, hardly there, but there all the same: a light. They had moved to higher ground once again and she knew that the light was far away, though it was impossible to estimate the distance in the dark. But it was there. A faint glimmer of hope.
“Let’s try to move faster,” Anne said.
“Aye.”
Moving faster was hard. Their legs were trembling and their clothes heavy, while the ground was uneven and sometimes muddy beneath their feet. But they were moving. It was hard to tell whether the light was really coming closer and how far it still was. They had to believe that they had enough strength left to reach it. That it was not far anymore.
Suddenly, there was a shriek in front of her and some thuds which seemed to remove themselves from her rapidly. “Alice!” Anne shrieked in horror. She could not see anything in the dark, but she understood that her sister had fallen down some distance, and though her first instinct was to rush forward to find her, she stopped herself. “Alice!” she cried. No response. Her stomach twisted. “Alice!”
“Anne!”
Anne’s heart leaped and she took a deep breath to calm herself, thanking God. “Are you alright?”
“I hurt me arm and me foot! Watch out, Anne, there’s a drop!”
Anne knelt down and carefully crawled forward until she felt where the stony surface suddenly ended. Then she turned round, lay on her stomach and pushed her legs over the edge. “Watch out! I’m coming!”
“Don’t! You’ll hurt yerself!”
But Anne let herself slide down. There were a few bumps and sharp ridges, and she felt her the palms of her hands burn as they scraped over the ground. She tumbled the last bit, before landing on the cold ground with a thud.
“Are you okay?” she heard her sister’s voice.
“Aye,” Anne groaned, and she crawled in the direction of the voice, groping in front of her in the dark, until she felt her sister’s arm. “Are ye in much pain?”
“Don’t worry about me…”
“Can ye walk?”
There was silence from Alice’s side for a moment, and then a sniff and sobbing. “I can’t walk anymore Anne… I just can’t…”
Anne pressed her lips tight. While she had been crying and fearing for their lives before, hearing her sister cry actually strengthened her and made her forget her own worries and soreness. She had to protect Alice. She crawled up close against her sister and hugged her. Alice’s clothes were as soaked as her own. The rain was still beating down on them ruthlessly. She could feel Alice trembling in her arms. “It’s alright…” She rested her cheek against her sister’s wet shoulder. “Here’s what we’ll do. We’ll rest for a little while. Then we’ll move, alright?” But they could no longer see the light that had guided them before - a chilling realization.
“Oh, Anne. How did we end up here? Father… Elijah… They’ll be heartbroken… And poor little Bram…”
Anne refused to hear it. “Shush! We’re going to be okay and see them again before you know it. Rest for a moment, and don’t think about bad things. We’ll move on in a bit and find that light, I promise.”
They sat there, huddled against each other and trembling. Slowly the rain turned into a light drizzle, but it hardly made a difference. They were already soaked. Suddenly there was a bright flash of light in the distance, and then soft rumbling. The girls clung on to each other. Anne closed her eyes and prayed to wake up in their own bed. But when she opened her eyes, they were still here. As the sky lit up again, Anne saw that there was a pond some twenty feet ahead of them. She was thirsty, but she couldn’t even get herself to crawl over to the water. Instead, she wrung out her shawl above her mouth.
Though she was uncomfortably cold and sore, and shivering all over, she found herself sinking into a slumber, until the next thunder struck loudly, and she sat up straight, started. And then another flash, and the noise of thunder, following fast. It was coming closer.
“I suppose we’ll be here for a bit. Let’s keep ourselves small,” she said. Alice did not respond, and Anne realized that she was dozing through it all. Anne sat back and rested against her sister and soon found herself in a fast-paced cycle of dozing and waking several times.
She did not know how long they sat there. The rain stopped eventually. The thunder turned into occasional soft rumbling. Alice seemed to have fallen asleep against her shoulder.
“Alice.” Anne whispered, gently pushing against the other girl’s arm.
Alice sat up slowly. She gasped and her breathing was raspy. “It’s so cold,” she whispered.
Poor Alice. Anne understood now that her sister was malnourished and weakened, having eaten for one all this time, when she should have eaten for two. She could hear the chattering of the poor girl’s teeth. Anne wished that she could let her rest, but there was no choice. “We have to go on. We’ll freeze to death if we don’t keep movin’.”
But she felt Alice press her forehead against her shoulder. “I can’t! I can’t get up, Anne!”
“You have to try. We have to find that light again. Once we’ve reached there you can rest.”
Alice was quiet.
“Alice?”
“I can’t, Anne…” It was the sound of her voice that got to Anne. Not cryish and upset like earlier, but slow, resigned. “Oh, my dear Anne, forgive me…”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m so sorry for having dragged you into this. I… to die alone would have been one thing, but -,”
“Don’t you dare!” Anne reprimanded sharply. “You’re not goin’ to die. We’re gonna find a farm and ask for help and we’re gonna be alright.” And see home again. Surely father would forgive them after they had nearly died, and they would find a solution for the baby, and they would sleep in their own comfortable bed again, and have warm evenings with the family, and be home. Anne hardly felt herself sink away into slumber as she cherished the desperate fantasy.
“Anne…” Alice’s voice pulled her back, and Anne became aware of how her entire body was shaking. “Ye have to go on. Ye have to keep movin’. I shouldn’t ‘ave pulled ye into this. Move on and find shelter.”
But Anne clung on to her sister tightly, though it did little to warm either of them, cold as they were. “We’re goin’ together.”
“I can’t. I can’t walk any further. It don’t matter, Anne. My life was goin’ to be over either way. But you must go on! Please, my dear. If I just know you will live…”
“Don’t-,”
“Go!”
But Anne knew she could never leave her sister behind. “Rest a few more minutes.” she finally decided. “You’ll find your strength back. You’ll see.” Anne had to believe that.
This time, Alice did not argue, but rested her head on Anne’s and seemed to sleep instantly. Anne felt the urge to doze, but now she roused herself every time she felt it happen. They had to stay awake. They had to find shelter, or Alice would die.
They had to move now.
Just one more minute, she negotiated with herself. And after a while: One more, to give Alice strength, but then they had to move.
Some time had passed. She shivered with cold and felt numb at the same time. Just one more minute. Eyelids were heavy. She roused herself. She thought she did. She did not notice it when she sank into slumber, deeper slumber, sweet sleep. All was forgotten.
At some point, they decided to rest a little. The girls sat down, even though the ground was hard and cold. They were so tired and their feet so sore, that they preferred it over standing. Anne could feel her legs tingle as she stretched them out in front of her. There were painful spots on her feet, where she knew blisters had formed and maybe burst. For a while, her sore body cherished the rest, but when Alice’s hand found hers, Anne noticed how cold it was, colder than her own. That shook her out of her merciful drowsiness.
“Alice, we have to keep moving,” she said, alarmed.
“I know…” came her sister’s desperate voice.
On they went. Anne clenched her teeth and tried not to think of how tired and cold she was and how every step made her want to cry, of how dark it was, and how they had no idea where they were going, of how there was no one to help them for miles around. She tried not to think of all this. But she failed. Anne had never known that darkness could be so dark. There was street lighting in Whitby, and even in her yard, which didn’t have any, it was never fully dark, with dim light coming from the street and cottages. But this darkness was absolute. It was terrifying. It invaded her thoughts until she was certain they would never see light again. They were going to die. She panicked:
“We can’t see owt. We don’t even know if we’re goin’ straight!” The girl crouched down and covered her face with her hands, drawing fast, sharp breaths, unable to steady herself.
She felt Alice kneel by her side and take her in her arms. “Shhhhh… Calm yourself. We’ll be okay.” Her sister rocked her, until Anne had calmed a little. Alice helped her up. “Come, we have to keep going. Listen to my steps. One foot after the other, alright? I’m right here, my dear.”
Anne nodded, but she realized her sister couldn’t see it. “Alright,” she whispered in a shaky voice.
They began to move again. Anne tried so hard to be brave, but all she could think of was how small and fragile they were in this wild and frightening no man’s land, and she wondered now what madness had come over them in the first place, to flee home. Anne no longer cared even if father would be livid. She wished they were at home, and she could beg for his comforting embrace, and she knew that eventually he would not withhold it. How she needed his embrace now. Poor father. He had to be so desperately afraid for them now that they hadn’t come home before night, and he didn’t even know yet how precarious their situation was. Anne could picture their bodies lying on the moors; faces pale and cold; wind-borne strands of hair dancing merrily around their lifeless faces in a cruel contrast; their fingers entangled, as they had desperately held on to each other until the end. She imagined their bodies decaying in this abandoned, hostile land, perhaps never to be found. Anne felt a warm tear rolling down her cheek. She didn’t want to die like that. She pressed her lips together and wiped her nose with her sleeve so that Alice would not hear her sniff.
At some point they were forced to climb a low stone wall, and they decided to follow it, their hand on the stone surface to guide them, hoping that it would lead them to a farm. After a while they turned, and later they turned again, and turned and turned, until they realized they were going in circles. Discouraged, they climbed over the wall again and, having lost all sense of direction, they just walked on without aim, into a valley, up another hill, and on. They hoped that they weren’t going back into the no man’s land they had just come from.
Then came the rain, and Anne did not even try to hold back her tears. She felt the water soak through her woollen shawl and cotton dress until even her undergarments were moist against her skin, and her skirt clung cold and uncomfortably to her legs as she walked. Her soaked, woollen shawl was heavy on her tired body. She was shivering. And still they walked. They walked in the cold rain, until their clothes and hair seemed saturated, and their bodies were chilled to the bone, and their shoes and stockings covered in mud. And still they walked, for it was the only thing that kept them somewhat warm. Anne wondered who would collapse first.
“Anne!” came Alice’s voice all of a sudden. “Look!”
Anne had half closed her eyes against the rain. It was so dark that it made no difference. But now, for the first time in what felt like hours, she looked up, blinking a few times and trying to peer through the rain. And then she saw it, vaguely, hardly there, but there all the same: a light. They had moved to higher ground once again and she knew that the light was far away, though it was impossible to estimate the distance in the dark. But it was there. A faint glimmer of hope.
“Let’s try to move faster,” Anne said.
“Aye.”
Moving faster was hard. Their legs were trembling and their clothes heavy, while the ground was uneven and sometimes muddy beneath their feet. But they were moving. It was hard to tell whether the light was really coming closer and how far it still was. They had to believe that they had enough strength left to reach it. That it was not far anymore.
Suddenly, there was a shriek in front of her and some thuds which seemed to remove themselves from her rapidly. “Alice!” Anne shrieked in horror. She could not see anything in the dark, but she understood that her sister had fallen down some distance, and though her first instinct was to rush forward to find her, she stopped herself. “Alice!” she cried. No response. Her stomach twisted. “Alice!”
“Anne!”
Anne’s heart leaped and she took a deep breath to calm herself, thanking God. “Are you alright?”
“I hurt me arm and me foot! Watch out, Anne, there’s a drop!”
Anne knelt down and carefully crawled forward until she felt where the stony surface suddenly ended. Then she turned round, lay on her stomach and pushed her legs over the edge. “Watch out! I’m coming!”
“Don’t! You’ll hurt yerself!”
But Anne let herself slide down. There were a few bumps and sharp ridges, and she felt her the palms of her hands burn as they scraped over the ground. She tumbled the last bit, before landing on the cold ground with a thud.
“Are you okay?” she heard her sister’s voice.
“Aye,” Anne groaned, and she crawled in the direction of the voice, groping in front of her in the dark, until she felt her sister’s arm. “Are ye in much pain?”
“Don’t worry about me…”
“Can ye walk?”
There was silence from Alice’s side for a moment, and then a sniff and sobbing. “I can’t walk anymore Anne… I just can’t…”
Anne pressed her lips tight. While she had been crying and fearing for their lives before, hearing her sister cry actually strengthened her and made her forget her own worries and soreness. She had to protect Alice. She crawled up close against her sister and hugged her. Alice’s clothes were as soaked as her own. The rain was still beating down on them ruthlessly. She could feel Alice trembling in her arms. “It’s alright…” She rested her cheek against her sister’s wet shoulder. “Here’s what we’ll do. We’ll rest for a little while. Then we’ll move, alright?” But they could no longer see the light that had guided them before - a chilling realization.
“Oh, Anne. How did we end up here? Father… Elijah… They’ll be heartbroken… And poor little Bram…”
Anne refused to hear it. “Shush! We’re going to be okay and see them again before you know it. Rest for a moment, and don’t think about bad things. We’ll move on in a bit and find that light, I promise.”
They sat there, huddled against each other and trembling. Slowly the rain turned into a light drizzle, but it hardly made a difference. They were already soaked. Suddenly there was a bright flash of light in the distance, and then soft rumbling. The girls clung on to each other. Anne closed her eyes and prayed to wake up in their own bed. But when she opened her eyes, they were still here. As the sky lit up again, Anne saw that there was a pond some twenty feet ahead of them. She was thirsty, but she couldn’t even get herself to crawl over to the water. Instead, she wrung out her shawl above her mouth.
Though she was uncomfortably cold and sore, and shivering all over, she found herself sinking into a slumber, until the next thunder struck loudly, and she sat up straight, started. And then another flash, and the noise of thunder, following fast. It was coming closer.
“I suppose we’ll be here for a bit. Let’s keep ourselves small,” she said. Alice did not respond, and Anne realized that she was dozing through it all. Anne sat back and rested against her sister and soon found herself in a fast-paced cycle of dozing and waking several times.
She did not know how long they sat there. The rain stopped eventually. The thunder turned into occasional soft rumbling. Alice seemed to have fallen asleep against her shoulder.
“Alice.” Anne whispered, gently pushing against the other girl’s arm.
Alice sat up slowly. She gasped and her breathing was raspy. “It’s so cold,” she whispered.
Poor Alice. Anne understood now that her sister was malnourished and weakened, having eaten for one all this time, when she should have eaten for two. She could hear the chattering of the poor girl’s teeth. Anne wished that she could let her rest, but there was no choice. “We have to go on. We’ll freeze to death if we don’t keep movin’.”
But she felt Alice press her forehead against her shoulder. “I can’t! I can’t get up, Anne!”
“You have to try. We have to find that light again. Once we’ve reached there you can rest.”
Alice was quiet.
“Alice?”
“I can’t, Anne…” It was the sound of her voice that got to Anne. Not cryish and upset like earlier, but slow, resigned. “Oh, my dear Anne, forgive me…”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m so sorry for having dragged you into this. I… to die alone would have been one thing, but -,”
“Don’t you dare!” Anne reprimanded sharply. “You’re not goin’ to die. We’re gonna find a farm and ask for help and we’re gonna be alright.” And see home again. Surely father would forgive them after they had nearly died, and they would find a solution for the baby, and they would sleep in their own comfortable bed again, and have warm evenings with the family, and be home. Anne hardly felt herself sink away into slumber as she cherished the desperate fantasy.
“Anne…” Alice’s voice pulled her back, and Anne became aware of how her entire body was shaking. “Ye have to go on. Ye have to keep movin’. I shouldn’t ‘ave pulled ye into this. Move on and find shelter.”
But Anne clung on to her sister tightly, though it did little to warm either of them, cold as they were. “We’re goin’ together.”
“I can’t. I can’t walk any further. It don’t matter, Anne. My life was goin’ to be over either way. But you must go on! Please, my dear. If I just know you will live…”
“Don’t-,”
“Go!”
But Anne knew she could never leave her sister behind. “Rest a few more minutes.” she finally decided. “You’ll find your strength back. You’ll see.” Anne had to believe that.
This time, Alice did not argue, but rested her head on Anne’s and seemed to sleep instantly. Anne felt the urge to doze, but now she roused herself every time she felt it happen. They had to stay awake. They had to find shelter, or Alice would die.
They had to move now.
Just one more minute, she negotiated with herself. And after a while: One more, to give Alice strength, but then they had to move.
Some time had passed. She shivered with cold and felt numb at the same time. Just one more minute. Eyelids were heavy. She roused herself. She thought she did. She did not notice it when she sank into slumber, deeper slumber, sweet sleep. All was forgotten.
