Elijah blinked then smiled weakly and rest his head against Anthony's. "I still wish I could help you. I care about you." He could smell the alcohol on his breath so any words of emotion were most certainly over played in his mind. He rubbed his shoulder and guided him to bed. "I think we both need a good rest to forget the day."

Anthony's emotions and feelings were definitely very exaggerated right now, but there was at least some truth to his words. "It's fine. You don't....have to help. He was right, anyways," he said after a moment of just standing there in complete silence, very glad that Elijah guided him to the bed, even if only because it meant he didn't have to stand in the middle of the room aloofly anymore. He didn't say anything as a response, and simply nodded his head, his extremely brief moment of 'hey, maybe I'm fine, actually' gone and yet again replaced with that horrible self-hate and doubt.

Elijah shook his head as he sat at the bed and squeezed his hands. "I want to help. I never had to, but it was my choice and wish. Please don't let Ben get to you. He doesn't know you, and if anything bothers you.. you can feel free to tell me. I don't want to push you though. There is no need to rush or feel it necessary..." He stroked his knuckles with his thumbs.

Just when Anthony thought he was done crying for the night. "Okay," he nodded slowly, taking Elijah's hands in his and beginning to fidget with them, hoping he does't mind. To be fair, he was still not entirely convinced that he's not a horrible person, but didn't want to make Elijah feel bad by saying that he is. He doesn't have the vocabulary to speak about his feelings, anyway. "Sometimes I just—sometimes I wish I were dead." Anthony looked nervous as he said that. He didn't want to scare Elijah away or anything, but Elijah's said that be can talk to him.

Elijah had felt happy for a moment when he agreed to talk, but what he said made his heart drop. He stared and tried to contain the sadness but it showed in his eyes. "I.. am selfishly glad you aren't dead. I am happy to have you here. M-may I ask why you feel that way? I know things have been difficult for you, though.. I don't know to what degree.. But things are different now.. right?"

Anthony didn't want to burden Elijah with all his emotions and feelings and thoughts and problems. He avoided looking at the man, instead just looking at the ground in silence. "Yeah, I...guess so," he shrugged uncertainly, subconsciously gripping Elijah's hand tighter. It's ridiculous how he just allows himself to fall victim to his mind, like this. His life is fine. Noone is hurting him, he has people in his life who love him, his life is finally gaining some stability. There's no reason for him to feel the way he does. It was pathetic. "life is just....hard. And painful. And it just feels like there's no point to it." That was an extreme oversimplification, of course, but it was difficult enough for him to talk about this—he didn't want to speak of his trauma in detail.

Elijah stared down at their hands and squeezed his, hoping to comfort him though he had no clue how to help in such a thing. "It.. can be those things. And I suppose it can feel like that.. I am sorry you feel that way. I wish I knew the words to say to make those feelings go away. I wish.. I knew how to help your pain go away and to make life easier. But.. I mean.. while life might not seem to have a point.. it's .. it's our life. It's our one chance at an experience of whatever the word can give us and what we can get from it. " Okay, now he was sort of depressing himself.

Anthony nodded slowly, but even he wasn't sure of what exactly he was nodding at. "There are....things that you can't fix," he said. But, even so, he seemed to consider Elijah's words as carefully as he could in his inebriated state. There was truth to them, of course, and he understood where Elijah was coming from, but... he couldnt bring himself to feel optimistic because of the words. Anthony started picking and scratching at the wounds on his hands, as simply a distraction if nothing else. "I just—I don't think I want to see what 'experiences' the world has in store for me anymore." He won't actually go through with those ideas at the back of his mind, he won't hurt himself or anything—not at all. He's just given up hope again.

Elijah's heart was breaking though he tried to tell himself it was just the alcohol. "I know. I wish I could, but I can't. I can only be here for you.." He took his hands again so that Anthony would stop scratching himself but he stared down, to hide the look he was sure he had in his eyes. He didn't know what to say, and he was sure anything he said was the wrong thing. "So.. the life you have now? The.. experiences.. are nothing? Though things have been different for you lately.. it's just the same to you as it was before?" He knew he was bad at this, but he couldn't help but question it. Nothing gave the man hope. His relationship with Elijah was nothing? What was even going on here.

Anthony felt guilty, again. He felt so, so guilty and bad for making Elijah have to witness this and just burdening him with all this. Anthony's hands were shaking. "That's—that's not what I said. I didn't say that," he spoke quickly, just trying to reassure Elijah. He had been scared before of ruining their relationship, but right now that fear was stronger and more present than ever. Did Elijah think that he didn't care for him anymore? That he didn't actually consider this a serious thing? What was Elijah thinking? He was afraid to find out. "I did not say that. I didn't."