Elijah didn't want to discuss this. He frowned and looked down. "He.. came to me .. several times because he didn't want to be home. And, he admitted to a lot of things. Things I know you would never have accepted. I .. tried to help him go to York. He wanted to get a job there that could help him get money to send home to help you guys out. He just thought he couldn't be happy at home, and it really looked like things were getting worse and were going to explode. I thought letting him go out on his own was the answer, that perhaps he'd return after a few months or a year.'

Ben took in the words, lips pressed tighter at every word. Finally he put his face in his hands again and sat like that for a long time, without speaking. His shoulder began to shake.

Elijah frowned. "I am sorry I hid it from you, but I was really trying to help. He was miserable, you were miserable. I wanted to do what I could and hoped with some distance you could work your problems out in a safer place in your life and more calmed down.'

Ben nodded, face still covered. He sniffed, and finally sat up, face wet. "I wish you'd have told me, Elijah. If I'd have known... I thought he was stealin'. I'd always known he was... at war with himself. That som't was troubling him, but I never knew what it was. He'd never talk to me, no matter how I tried... 'E told me when it was all too late..."

Elijah smiled sadly. "I am sorry. I wanted to tell you to, to tell you everything. I planned to if I didn't hear from him after he moved in case he was hiding for a while. I didn't like keeping secrets, but I understood why he couldn't tell you. I honestly didn't know what you'd have done if you had known while he lived under your roof. None of us could have ever guessed what would have happened. Simon was always such a nice kid who wouldn't hurt a soul."

Ben put his face in his hands again, sat back up, fought back new tears, pressed his lips together and nodded. "I thought I was puttin' 'im back on the right track. If I could have taken his place... When Alice and Anne didn't return home, and I waited over night..." He shook his head.

Elijah stood up and put his hands on his shoulders. "It's ok. You care about your kids. I know you do. And it can't be helped that kids are hard to raise, especially as they get older and full of their own ideas. Even Simon felt bad about leaving you with just the other kids to handle the boat yourself until Will was old enough. But he never seemed to want to be a fisherman. None of this is your fault, just.. everyone is different. But now is your chance to change things, I know you can. And I'm sure the kids all know you do care. They want you healthy and in their lives."

Ben nodded. "Aye... they're good kids. Even Alice when she's not.... like this. She did some... really wicked things. Some of them I can't tell you. But I suppose I am to blame in part, because she feared me so..."

Elijah arched his brow looking concerned. "What did she do?"

Ben shook his head. Sometimes it was inconvenient that Elijah was a constable. Ben didn't know the fine details of the law, but he wouldn't take any risks.