James had crashed out fairly early tonight. He hadn't been to the pub for a few days due to lack of money and it was beginning to show. He had fallen into a deep sleep when the nightmares began. He could hear the screams, the crackling of the fire. He could smell the burning flesh as vividly as the day it took place. 

He woke up with a startle and sat up right in bed. The kids were both asleep and so was Maggie. His body pulled in sweat so he decided to get up and get some air. He tucked Maggie back in to keep her warm as he slipped on some clothes. Nothing fancy. Just pair of trousers. A collarless shirt and a seafarers knitted jumper before heading downstairs.

He entered the kitchen and poured himself a cup of water before sitting down on the back door step breathing in the night air and watching the stars. It was peaceful.

A baby began to cry and Maggie sat up with a start. Her hands reached up and covered her face and she closed her eyes. Was there no end to this? Couldn't she just have one night? Some women had told her that she should ignore the crying. It would stop. It never did and it woke half the yard. If she could just get Hannah to drink properly before bed...

With a sigh, she tossed the blanket to the side and made her way across the room, picking the crying baby from her cot. "Hush hush... It's alright..." she whispered. She took the child down the steep steps to the kitchen. She noticed a draft. The door was slightly opened. Maggie peered out to see what was going on. She closed the door.

She carried Hannah to a chair, sat down, and bared her breast. The baby latched on, let go, latched on once more, drank a little, let go and began to cry again. Maggie covered her eyes again with one hand. It was too cold in the kitchen. She was sure of that was the problem tonight. If someone hadn't let a draft in, she wouldn't be having another sleepless night.

James watched the stars for a little bit longer. The stars were peaceful. It took him back to his days sailing in the med were the heat was soo much that lads would sleep on deck just to get some air. He got lost in the night sky.

He heard motion from inside and a small cry. Dam it He thought. Now Maggie would be pissed at him even more because he had woken up Hannah. He thought for a moment then decided to wait a few minutes before heading back in.

The evenings had gotten worse. The sleepless nights the cold sweets, the smells and sounds were all becoming so vivid. Could he go to the doctor. Would they help or would he be told to suck it up. He wished he could explain it to Maggie. Make her understand rather than resent him for it.

Deep down he loved her and the kids more than anything but he knew his nighttime routine was driving a wedge between them. It was driving him insane. He was worried that if he spoke out he would be sent to the asylum. He rested his head against the masonry and let out a long sigh

Maggie tried rocking her crying child. Singing. She walked around with Hannah. Tried to make her drink again, but the baby girl pushed her away in a rage. Still the crying continued. Maggie's own eyes burned with desperate tears. There were times she worried what she might do if the crying went on for much longer. And in three months or so, there'd be another one.

And her useless husband was bringing home less and less, reeking of alcohol after his team had sold a load to the merchants, and offering nothing to their family life when he was around. The way she had shut him outside just now hadn't even provoked the anger she had sought to draw out.

She sat motionless with the crying babe in her lap. From the bedroom rose another wail.

James decided to use the outside restroom quickly before returning to the house. The air was definitely changing. Winter felt like it was drawing nearer. He came back in closing the door behind him making sure it was locked. He drained the remainder of his cup down the sink before heading back upstairs.

He saw Maggie sat in the chair struggling with Hannah. He spoke softly to her, "let me take Hannah for a bit my love. You to back to bed. I will stay up for a bit until I get myself sorted"

The sound of the door opening woke her up from her apathy. She fussed over Hannah to avoid acknowledging her husband. But when he spoke, she looked up, vexed. "Take John instead," she said, jerking her chin up to gesture at the ceiling. "Ye've woken both of them. Hannah needs feedin'."

James nodded "yes dear" he said as he went off to see John. His eldest who was now 4. He felt a pang of guilt now. All 3 of the family were up. Maggie would have his guts for garters come the morning. There was a saying. Fisherman were tough, but the wives were tougher. You never fucked with a fishermans wife but right now, john knew he was on thin ice. He decided he would need to try and make this up to her.

He climbed the stairs into the second bedroom where he saw John sat up in his bed rubbing his eyes and looking sleepy. He walked over to his bed and sat on the edge of the bed "you ok buddy? Why don't you go back to sleep?" John mumbled and spoke "daddy, Hannah crying woke me up. James looked the ground "sorry I disturbed her. Let's get you back to sleep" he said as he picked up johns blanket from the floor that had been kicked off. He flipped the blanket and tucked John in before ruffling his hair. He smiled as he looked at the redheaded kid sat in the bed. He looked alot like his mother and not alot like his failure of a father. James then provided to start a bed time story to get him back to sleep.

If John had argued with her, she would have lashed out at him. But his docility enraged her even more. Who was this shadow of a man she was living with?

Hannah didn't drink. But she ultimately stopped crying, leaning quietly against her mother until she slowly dozed off. Maggie sat for a while to make sure the child was truly asleep. Then she blew out the candle she had lighted, carried the girl upstairs and put her in bed.

She slipped under the blanket to get what sleep she still could before the work of a new day began. James wasn't back, but just the thought of how he'd toss and turn was enough to put her on edge and prevent her from falling asleep.

It wasn't long before john fell asleep. By the time James had finished the story. He could hear the faint snoring of his son. James kissed him lightly on the forehead before tucking him back into bed and taking the candle with him out of the room behind him. He closed the door softly and returned to his and maggies room.

He quickly got undressed and back into bed before blowing the candle out. He wrapped his arms around Maggie and pulled her gently into him. He kissed the back of her neck and whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm having a hard time dealing with the flashbacks in my mind at the moment. Please forgive me"

She felt a sense of disgust when he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close. He irritated her enough as it was. But she didn't pull away. Some part of her wanted to be held in a comforting embrace. She just wished it wasn't his. "It's alright, John. Go back to sleep. We'll talk in t' mornin'."