Tobias too remained silent the rest of the way home. He sent Iris in and went to tend to the horses.

"How was church, ma'm?" Jenny asked, when she saw the woman and babe. "I'll get ye some tea."

"It was alright," she said softly, "But I think I need a moment, so please do not trouble yourself on my behalf... though I assume Mister Appleton might wish for a cup of tea..." She managed a slight smile and then headed upstairs, not to her room but to young Mrs. Appleton's chamber where she knocked gently and then opened the door a little to say, "It's just me... I've brought Emma for you to hold, Mrs. Appleton. Mister Appleton says he wants you to see the baby... Would you see her?" Part of her hoped that the girl would refuse, and then shame washed over her.

"She is a lovely child, so quiet and peaceful... You should hold her, Miss... I think she would like it."

[CW: Mother rejecting her child.]

Alice looked up when Iris entered. She was sitting up in bed, leaning one side of her body against the wall. She was in her nightgown and the blanket was pulled up to her chest. Her red hair was down in a braid.

She turned her eyes down, to avoid looking at the woman and the babe. "Please..." she began weakly.

I think she would like it.

Her fists clenched around the blanket. She put her head against the wall. How did she go on existing, when she had already been extinguished?

"It's better if you look after her," she muttered quietly. "I'll be gone soon."

She shut the door behind her, then said very softly, "While I would love to be her mama, I am not... You are..." She moved tentatively closer, bringing the babe near. "She needs her mother." It hurt to say the words, her heart constricting, it felt like, to utter what shouldn't have had to have been spoken to any mother. It wasn't fair. Iris tried to keep her tears in check. How come she couldn't have her baby that she wanted desperately to keep when there was an unwanted babe in her arms?

It wasn't fair.

"Take her... Please..."

Alice seemed to shrink as the other woman approached. She shut her eyes. "Please..." she begged. "I can't." She was trembling.

Her eyes widened when she saw the girl tremble... "I'll be right back..." and she was gone, not long, before returning sans Emma. Then she came to the girl again and reached out, paused, then set a hand on the girl's. "She's in her cradle... Why are you frightened to hold her, dearling?" The mother in her wanted to pull her close and stroke her hair, but she did not.

[[CW: Just for the heavy feelings/depression type of stuff]]

Alice still held her eyes closed when the woman left and returned and when she felt her touch. She wanted to pull away her hand and yet she wanted to be comforted at the same time, even by this woman she mistrusted. She didn't know how to answer the question. She didn't understand her own motivations. Her thoughts and feelings and memories were all jumbled. She had been feeling like she was losing grip on them for a long time, but the birth had intensified it. Had she died then? "It hurt," she whispered. She shuddered.

[cw]Infant Loss

"I understand..." she said softly, her voice filled with both empathy and compassion. "I know that pain well... It's alright that it hurt, it is normal. I am sorry that it made you feel so frightened." She did not sit on the bed but rather moved to kneel at the side of it, letting her touch move up and down the girl's arm in a soothing manner if she let her. "I know it's a scary thing to have to endure such a thing, especially when you're not ready."

She tilted her head a little, then whispered, "I am here because I lost my own babe. I wasn't ready either, but I wasn't ready to say goodbye. I loved her so very much." And I love Emma so very much, she left hanging in the air without speaking the words.

Still huddled against the wall, Alice carefully opened her eyes. What was the last time someone had shared something personal with her or related to her? She turned her teary face towards the other woman and gave her a guarded look.

She had disliked her because she seemed to get along with Tobias. She hadn't seen her as anything else, and she hadn't expected to be seen as anything but what Tobias said she was.

When was the last time she had felt sorry for someone? These days, she was either numb, consumed in her own pain, or fighting off anyone who came near her with tongue or claw. Tobias said she was like a wild animal, and it pleased her.

"I'm sorry ye lost yer bairn," she said in a hoarse voice. Then she turned her eyes down, for the eyecontact felt uncomfortable.

"She is without suffering," she said softly, "and I was able to save a life because of the sacrifice of hers." Iris tilted her head and murmured, "And I know that you must be so very frightened. You're not ready to grow up, are you?" She knew exactly how that felt if it was true. "It's alright to be frightened, but there are times when you have to face it."