Gabriel felt nauseous. He tried to breath calmly and keep his focus, but the things he heard appalled him. "And you are not sorry?" he asked in a hushed voice. "You ended a man's life. That was given to him by God. It wasn't yours to take. You took all he could have become, his chance of repentance, his chance of a fair trial. You took someone's son, perhaps a brother, a husband, a father, and even in death you took his humanity, by not burying him."

"Sorry for Jack?" he thought for a moment, "can't say as i do. Had we not stopped him he would've killed that woman then an there. And if we let him live past that? who knows? He made it clear as to what he liked, and i don't think you want the details there. John always said give a man power an you'll see as to who he really is, an as soon as we was all in control he showed what he wanted."

A long pause followed, then a sigh, "nows far as the deputy is concerned...that one i think i do regret. been seein that little girls face a lot lately. damn near every kid in this towns startin to look like her. The fear, anger and sadness wrote all over em." He turned hie eyes toward the grate again as he spoke, "You ever watch the life leave a man's eyes? I used to think it were nothin. now i picture it an...well this gun on my hip aint never felt so heavy."

Gabriel recoiled at the way the man spoke about killing a man, even a bad one, like a job that needed finishing. And then about the deputy. He thought he regretted it? But at least the penitent, if he could be called that, was haunted by the child's face... It was something. A seed, perhaps?

Gabriel wished he could share his thoughts and concerns with someone. He wished he could discuss the matter with a mentor, ask for advice on what to do. But he was alone and he would have to make a decision before he left this box. All he could do was pray for the power to discern. Even once the confession would be over, he could never discuss what he had heard and done with anyone or ask for guidance. Gabriel felt had lonely often, but never like now.

God help me.

This man had brought a gun into the church? Possibly the same gun that had killed twelve people?! Was it sacrilege? He would need to look it up later and deal with it. What was done was done. There was a man's soul at stake.

There was a lot that stood in this man's way. There was hardly remorse to speak of, let alone sufficient remorse. He knew what he had to do... But there was the beginning of remorse and he would need to be careful to nurture it. King David had had blood on his hands, but had been brought to repentance by the prophet Nathan. Saint Paul had persecuted Christian martyrs but had repented and radically altered his ways. This soul too could be saved. He could, by grace, be brought to sincere sorrow.

"I have. I have watched people die in terrible pain, or dirty, lonely and forgotten by the world. But the difference is that I was able to give them peace about their soul, and I could keep them company and show them kindness to make their passing easier. I made sure their bodies were buried with dignity when they passed. I can barely imagine what it is like to see a dying man's eyes when you know you caused their suffering... What do you think they thought and felt when they knew they were dying?"

Sam stroked his chin in thought for a moment. he had never stopped to consider how people might be feeling when they are dying. It wasn't something he usually had time for in the moment, and forgot about after. Gabriel's words had made him think as well, had Sam ever seen anyone die in any way other than being killed? "Well i would imagine the words "Ouch, i've been shot" were in there somewheres."

Sam sat forward with a sigh, this wasn't the way this should be done. the sigh was shaky, almost a rattle. He was trying to deflect giving an answer by presenting a cold front. But Cerise had cracked that ice and he needed to face it before he drowned in the flood that was about to break free. So his tone became more serious. He could hear the cries of his victims, and it was getting harder to block them out.

"Were it me. i reckon it would be anger, just pure hatred for the man who'd just put a bullet in me...and fear i'd never see those close to me again. I suppose it'd be different for each person though. some anger, some fear, some sadness and so on. maybe a mix i'd never understand til its me lookin down the barrel." He paused again after that, it was pretty clear Sam had never been one to face what he was feeling, but that was how life went. A man buried in his feelings would be buried in the ground a lot faster in his line of...work. when he spoke again it was an attempt to convey, for once in his life with no sarcasm a sense of fear and regret he had never had before.

"I gotta tell you holy man, i'm pretty sure shes carryin our child. I um...I wanna do right by her, marry an all that. But..." there was a lot of hesitation as he tried to put words to his thoughts. "I don't want her or the baby stained by the blood on my hands, and damned sure i don't want that child to become the monster I am."

The first reply seemed flippant and Gabriel shortly wondered why the man was here at all. Then the man seemed to at least reflect on the question, probably the first time he had asked himself that... He had a long way to go. At least he was reflecting on it.

When he mentioned that the woman he loved was pregnant, Gabriel suppressed a sigh. The penitent was actively living in sin at the moment... But was this the right moment to point that out? Gabriel was also more concerned about the child as it was. At least the man on the other side of the grate was too.

“You are not a monster,” he corrected the man, in a quiet, but stern voice. He sighed and frowned as he weighed his next words. A hand slipped into the pocket of his cassock and took out a rosary. Gabriel let it run through his fingers. He couldn’t pray and talk or listen at the same time, but the familiar feeling of the beads between his fingers still gave him some comfort. “You are a human being, a creature of God. You were carefully woven in your mother’s womb. You are loved by your heavenly Father, and made to love and be loved. But you betrayed your destination. You behaved like a monster. Perhaps because you believed you were one, and that’s a dangerous thing. You must understand and believe that you are a human being, created and loved by God, sinful though you are, or you will never have the dignity to do what’s right.”

"Well, i can't say as i know anythin about that. Suppose it might take me some time to figure out what I am. Its been...oh...sbout a month since I shot anybody. hell its been about that long since i've drawn this here gun for anythin but to clean it. An my rifle? thats about the same story, got it locked up at the moment. Even avoided violence the other day when some shop keeper insulted my girl." he chose his next words carefully, stroking the stubble on his chin as he thought, "I feel different than I did thats sure. An I want to change what i was before. but i don't think i've changed all that much. casuse i can promise you holy man." his voice dropped, low and wrathful at even just the though, "if someone was to hurt her or our baby, no place on gods green earth would be safe for 'em. I'd hunt 'em down like animals an fill 'em with every shot i got."

was that too much honesty? He wasn't sure, it seemed to him like you were supposed to confess the truth here so that what he did. "Hence my predicament. How can i be forgiven if i know i would kill again in that situation?"

"You cannot," Gabriel answered him frankly. "You must have sincere sorrow over your sins and the determination not to sin again. Why do you believe someone would hurt your child? And if anyone would, there is a system of justice to deal with them. But carrying a gun and setting the example that you do, carrying the weight of your past unresolved, do you not think you pose the greatest risk to your child at the moment?"

Me a danger? to my own flesh and blood? Sam wondered for a moment if he should punch through the grate separating them for even suggesting such a thing. But he only got as far as a clenched fist and a raised arm before he stopped himself. No no no, this is why you are here, no punching the priest who is trying to help...yet, lets see how the rest of it goes.

Sam calmed himself, then sighed and put his hands behind his head, "Listen here Holy man, I don't know how it is over here in England, But back in the states i'd trust a ten cent hooker to keep herself clean before i trusted the law to do anythin but polish their badges. If they ain't got no personal skin in it, they don't do nothin. Hell they didn't even really try to stop us til them government boys got involved. then suddenly they were shinin beacons of justice."

"as to why they would want to hurt the baby or her well, I left several widows and i don't know how many fatherless kids. suppose one of 'em might come round some day lookin for some payback. granted they'd have to track me a looooong way but still, i worry about it. I just hope if that time ever comes they put a bullet between my eyes and leave them alone. Guess if i can't find my way before that happens it might be a little hot an miserable where i'm goin. at least it better be, otherwise i might feel i was sold false goods as a kid."

"I'm not a holy man," Gabriel said. "Call me father instead. Do you not think those who would hunt you down, if they were to come this far, feel the same way as you would if they harmed your child. They too have lost a lost one and want to see justice done." The beads moved through his fingers as he gathered his courage. This man had brought a gun and all... "Such a further escalation could be prevented by justice being done. If you truly are remorseful, would it not be better to turn yourself in?"

"Oh i don't know about that. revenge an hate got some powerful control over a man. If you wanted to make someone suffer, an i mean REALLY suffer, You'd take everythin they care about first. A bullet would only be when they've lost everythin else." Sam wasn't a stranger to hatred and revenge, he'd seen it before on more than one occasion. His gang had rules in place. There was never any killing unless there was no other option. That being said same people are not willing to part with their valuables just because you say pretty please, so violence was unavoidable in some situations.

Sam laughed out loud now, turn himself in? was this guy crazy? "Well, Father. I'd have to be as nutty as a squirrel turd to do that. plus ain't there a rule about killin yourself? Cause make no mistake, I'd turn myself in of the mornin and be danglin from a rope by lunch. The law don't share your view of remorse, forgive an all that. They'd just as soon hang me and be done with it."

Sam hung his head, fingers laced and resting behind it, "I can't do that, I ain't afraid to die for them if it comes to it. I ain't gonna throw it all away either though, not when the last bit of anythin i could call family gave up their lives to give me a chance to live. I'd be spittin in their faces an i couldn't do that to any of 'em."

He paused, likely considering his words again before he spoke, "truth be told I don't even know why i'm here. I ain't gonna change over night. light a candle and become a good, god fearin man. An i can say right now if repentin means layin down to die then it just ain't gonna happen."