[CW for erm, graphicness. And also, properly bad medical info because I'm not a doctor XD]


Oh no, now he'd have to stay and talk.

Mr. Meijer could have it as he liked.

"Well, if you were a medical student, I would explain to you the hypothetical case of my patient X. who had managed to get a champagne cork stuck in his rectum. I would explain to you that we would ask Mr. X to position himself on hands and knees on the table, that one then properly lubricates the rectum with ones gloved fingers, lubricate as far up as one can reach around the cork and ask Mr. X to press. If it is impossible to get a proper hold of the object, we will ask Mr. X to squat and try again. It may be necessary to artificially stretch the anus, but we are still trying to avoid as much damage as possible. When the object is removed, we will treat Mr. X's back passage as required and suggest a diet of liquids and fibres for the next few weeks. We will then explain to Mr. X the difference between safe and unsafe items to put up there."

He quirked an eyebrow. "I hope that this is not the true reason you called for me, Mr. Meijer?"