Sam returned after several minutes with her bread and stew, it had taken some extra time as he had taken the time to heat the stew back up. He was careful with his placement of it, making sure she would not get burned when he handed her the bowl and smiled. once she had her food he would sit back in front of the window. he had a lot on his mind after all. She wasn't the first person to tell him to atone, so he was right back where he started. How could he atone? that was the one thing no one seemed to be able to answer. Go home and swing for a cheering crowd? Its not like he could raise the dead so what was he supposed to do?

Sam kept his seat there while she ate, still looking out the window, but in his mind he was thousands of miles away and several years in the past, going over everything he had done in his head. he replayed it over and over again in his head.

She thanked him softly when he gave her the food, then ate in silence. The only real sound was the sound of the spoon hitting the bowl. The stew was so good that she could have wept. Her employer was a good man for teaching her how to cook and basically take care of herself better. She'd never wanted to go on the wrong side of the law to get what she needed to survive. The one time she had ever stolen anything, she ended up not eating it for the guilt she felt. Since she couldn't take it back, she had given it to someone else who was hungry. It had eased the guilt to some level, she had wronged someone and then did what she could do to make it right. She could not imagine the thoughts that must be going through his head at the moment. Did he truly feel guilt for his misdoings? She thought maybe she could seek the word of a priest, herself. It had been a long time since she sat in church, however, let alone confessed her sins. She sighed once her bowl was empty, scraping up the last of the gravy with the last of the bread in her hand.

"Maybe you can do something for others to help them," she said after having thought about her moment. "I stole a loaf of bread once after I ran away from the orphanage. They never knew it was me of course, and there was no way I could give it back without getting into some trouble for it. I know it was the wrong line of thinking, I should have gone to the place where I stole the bread and confessed but I didn't want to know what would happen if I did. I felt so guilty though that I couldn't eat the bread. I gave it to someone else who was hungry. I thought maybe a good deed would soften the guilt some, and it did, but not enough to make me feel better for what I had done. And I... did whatever it took to not have to eat stolen bread. I looked for work and it drove me to do better for myself and others."

Sam jumped a little bit when she spoke, the sound of gun shots still ringing in his ears. When he looked at her, it was with a different expression for a few moments. he had gone too deep in his own mind, replaying the day he was forced to flee, seeing the others shot one by one. they had all been outlaws and murderers, but they had taken care of him, became his family. The look on his face was one of intense loss and fear, regret for everything all at once. to the point that even Sam, the butcher, killer and thief nearly teared up. For a moment he had hallucinated Cerise with a gun shot in her chest.

H recovered quicky from it and smiled, moving over to sit next to the bed beside her, leaning his back against the bed side table. He had spent years building a wall in his own mind, locking fear, remorse and any other negative feelings except rage behind it. Now the wall was starting to break, cracks were forming and he could do nothing to stop it now. "I see what you are saying but...i don't know where to begin. My only talents are with a rope and a gun." he leaned his head so that he could look up at her, no usual smile this time. He looked like someone lost in the wilderness and realizing that fact for the first time.

"You are way too modest, Sam," she said, setting the bowl on the bedside table for the moment. The spoon clattered against the terracotta that served as a vessel, and the bowl thumped upon the surface of the table. She was giving thought to everything. "You cook well too, and you have a way with words. I think you can do anything you want and learn, too because you're very smart. Don't sell yourself short." She paused for a long moment before saying, "I may not... understand the extent of what you did, and I cannot condone the actions and feel alright with it... But these were things you did in your past and that you cannot change. You can change yourself now, though. You can become the person you desire to be. You have to accept what happened, you have to accept that it was your misdeeds that led you to this point, but you also need to be aware that you have all the time in the world to change yourself for yourself. You can't do it on my behalf, Sam. You have to work for yourself. You have to invest in your future. You might never be able to truly make up for murder, but you can take the second chance to make sure it never happens again. Do you really wish to continue to be angry at everything?"

HE would reach for her hand, cupping it in his if she allowed it. "Its gonna take time. i need to find somethin i can do that doesn't involve pullin a trigger." sam kissed her hand before he continued, "It was selfish of me to put all this on you, but i couldn't keep lyin either. I'm sorry." he didn't want to change only for her, but for their child. he had also come to see what he had taken from so many others and did not want to repeat that again. "i've taken a lot from a lot of people, i don't think my hands will ever be clean...but i'll do what i can to at least make what i can right."

"What does this mean for you and I?" she asked, "I don't know that I want to be in this world without you, but how do we move on from here? I need to know what we're supposed to do now. We've been caught up in the moment since we met and now things are different. It's not just... what you did, it's everything. I'm overwhelmed by it all." She squeezed his hand. "I don't fear that you would ever hurt me, not physically. You've never shown anything but gentleness on my behalf." She sighed softly and said, "I'm tired. I didn't realize until lately that I've been needing to sleep, my head hurts from time to time. I don't think I have ever gotten so much sleep. I feel like things are catching up with me. I've never gotten to be able to rest like this."

Sam thought for a few moments, he didn't really have a good answer for her right now, "Well, i know i don't want to be here without you either. I think now...we settle down. I don't expect you to forgive me overnight for what i done, its gonna take time and a lot of work on my part." sam dug in his pocket for a moment, still holding her hand with the other. "an livin together as we are, feelin the way we do i wanna make a promise to you. If its what it takes i'll spend the rest of my life doin what needs to be done. to take care of you, to atone, to live a good life." Sam had pulled out the box and flipped it open, showing the ring inside. "as your husband..."

She looked at him with wide eyes for a long time. She then looked down at the ring itself. It was lovely. She wasn't able to really speak, but she plucked the ring from the box and slid it onto the ring finger of her right hand as a means of accepting the proposal. Her hand moved to rest on his again, she was gazing at his face in shock now, unable to voice anything for the time being.

Sam kneeled next to the bed now, still holding her hand. "I love you Cerise." he would kiss her softly after saying it, placing his other hand on top of hers. "I promise to never leave you, to spend the rest of my life working toward being a better man." He would place his forehead against her own for a moment. it had been a full day, he was tired and he wasn't even pregnant. He imagined todays ride had been very tiring for her, "if you need rest, then rest. you don't need to worry. you've worked hard, a break won't hurt anythin."

She watched him quietly, still too stunned to speak. While it was a tentative yes, it was a yes nevertheless. She wanted to believe he would do better for himself. But there was the fact that she was with him out of wedlock and she should marry him either way. But he'd have a lot of work ahead of him nevertheless. Her eyes watched his face for a long time and she finally leaned down to wrap her arms around him. Love made one do things they would not think to do otherwise.

Cerise then let go and settled back in the bed, her gaze upon him still as she lay there.