Dearest Pony,

I know that we have our differences, but there is something you should know before I go. I love you and always will. I am sorry to have disappointed you by my behaviour, but I promise you that I have needed to find happiness. You don't understand that love isn't easy for me, that I've longed for a roof over my head and a family, and that nothing I will do in this life or next is submitted for your approval. It is my life to live, they are my mistakes to make and learn from. If I do not learn from my own behaviours, I won't ever change for the better. I simply can't live out of a wagon as you can. I want some semblance of stability, security, and warmth.

Besides, you have love to find yourself and it is hard for you to do that with me constantly trailing behind you, brother. I only want your happiness. That's all. I don't want to be a yoke over the back of your neck when you have so much potential to be something great with the right person. I hope you find her. You'll know when you feel your heart start to beat simply for the joy of looking at her in the morning light.

I only want you to be happy for me as well.

The twins are getting so big... My boy seems to have taken more after his uncle than his father in his disposition. He reminds me of you so very much. I miss you. I have for a while. I will write again from America. I've already left by the time this finds you, if it ever does. I don't know. My husband and I are traveling for a time. I love him so, I know you do not understand how it is for me but it just is. I am excited to meet his family and see America... And maybe you could come to see one day. You're welcome any time, even if it's just to lecture me.

Much Love Always,
Your Sister, Karen

A letter arrives from London about a week after the first.

Dearest Pony,


Life has never felt so wonderful to me. Lorn has been so very considerate and loving, I hardly dare to breathe. The way he is with the children he took to his own heart, my babies are secure now and the voyage has been lovely and leisurely. London isn't someplace I like to be, but we're about to leave from here to get to the states. I feel as though the world has opened back up to me, and the colors of mourning could finally be laid to rest for now. I will always love Harold but he wouldn't have wanted me to live in sadness over him.

I never told you this but I watched him die before he died. I watched him take on the sadness of losing someone he treated. He was a good man but he took on too much of the world and it ended him. I don't think I could ever be with a doctor again. I would not want to watch them wither like Harold.

Lorn will never make me forget him, he knows I feel much for my late husband. He also knows about the clockmaker and how unlucky I have been with my own heart. I wish I could have gotten you to understand the loneliness I felt as a widow, the darkness that lay on my heart. I made mistakes but marrying Lorn is not one of them, as he makes me feel alive again.

I am so very sorry for hurting you, but you have to let me live my life or I will never learn to be happy again. And I am sure you will understand one day when the right person comes along and shows you how to live again. I want so much for you just to be happy.

Much love, always...
Karen