The expression on Gabriel's face had changed and his hand was on his. It was warm and wonderful like every other inch of him. He placed his other hand on top lightly and looked to him confused. Damn his selfishness and his weak will.

"What? Why? I am the one who failed you repeatedly and caused you so much distress. You were fine before I came into your church. You have nothing to apologize for."

The only physical contact Gabriel had had with another human being for ages was when he put his hands on someone's head or made a cross on someone's forehead, when he blessed, anointed, or distributed ashes. His hand between Elijah's... he wanted to keep it there forever.

Instead, he withdrew it gently. He pulled out a chair and sat down, turning his eyes away from the constable and to the table. "Did you... get my letter?"

When the hand was withdrawn, he closed his hands and drew them close, feeling that very familiar humiliation for his own actions. He looked down and let his hair fall before his eyes.

"Letter? The letter you wrote before you left? Yes I received that. I... understand, my being here put you in a.. i..I.. that is to say.. You've suffered so much because of me. And I don't know how to fix that. I never meant to hurt you. " He placed a hand to his face the tears now falling down his cheeks and he wanted to disappear. He shouldn't have come. His breath caught in his throat as he struggled to silence a tiny choked sob. What was he doing to Gabe- no, Father Richards. "I..truly am...s-so sorry."

He looked at Crane confused. When the man began to cry, his heart ached even more. He got up again and put a hand on the Elijah's shoulder. "Not you. I was in the wrong. You came to confess your sins honestly, you came for advice and help and sacraments, and I..." he shook his head. "I betrayed your trust. And my letter probably only made it worse." He withdrew his hand. "I'm sorry, El-, Mr. Crane. I'm sorry. I should have left quietly, leave you and your friend be. It was my sin and my burden to deal with."

Elijah shook his head as this feeling in him grew. "No. You have to stop blaming yourself for my actions. I am the one who confessed my feelings for you first. I was the one who kept trying so hard for a friendship you clearly couldn't have." He buried his face in his hands.

"And Anthony.. that was .. a terrible mistake. I was so eager and weak for someone. A distraction from you. He was the first man...ever.. that I knew was like me apart from ... a family friend. And he liked me. I was willing to fall into him completely. Or at least I thought I was. But every time it was between you two. It was you I picked every time. When I saw that letter...I didn't even hesitate to run after you. I hurt everyone around me with my selfishness. You have been so kind and good to me. You've been so much better and stronger than I could hope to be, Father Richards..," he had to mentally prepare himself to say that instead of his first name.

"I am here to apologize because it is me who needs to. I can't help wanting to be close to you. And I wish I had your strength to stay away and life my previous life. It is my fault and mine alone I can't get you out of my head. And it is my fault I hurt you so much and I've caused you so much trouble. I wish my heart could be turned but it feels as immovable as a mountain. " He couldn't dare look at him.

Had he been wrong? Had it not been love he had seen? Or had he ruined even that with his letter? It didn't matter in the end. Elijah loved him. Loved him so much he couldn't stop loving him. Just like Gabriel couldn't -,

But it was bad. He should feel bad. Elijah loved him.

He looked down at the table, so as not to have to look at the man he still loved. It didn't matter that he had spent months trying to subdue his sinful desires and had even believed he had managed to eradicate them. They had come back with a mere glance at Crane's face, the sound of his voice and the way he stressed certain letters and skipped others, the way he walked and sat. Everything was lovely, even his tears.

He tried to remember what it was he should say. "Then we were both wrong, and we have both failed to eradicate these feelings. But we can never give in to them, Elijah."

Elijah did not like being the only one sitting any longer. He stood which put him uncomfortably close to the man he'd been bearing his heart to. He immediately stepped back to put a little space between them. That warmth was too much and he was already weak being in the same room as the man who made him feel this way.

He looked to him slowly and shook his head. He was still so close. It felt so easy to take him into his arms and beg for just one moment. But that was a terrible idea. "I am not going to try to seduce you. I've lived this long without touching a man, and when I gave in.." he turned away not wanting to look at him as he talked about it.

"It was fine..physically. But my feelings for you don't compare to that. It isn't about giving into sin. My far minor sins that I've confessed for in the past are few and far between save for these thoughts. And even when you're not there, they continue. And it hurts more not seeing you..." he turned to look at him again. How he'd almost sell his soul to touch those lips just once, but it would be terrible. It would break through all of his reserves like a dam made of playing cards.

"I just want to be close to you. I know it is wrong and selfish. And I know you know I will be admiring you secretly. But I can keep my hands to myself. Just... the only way I'd be able to fully stay away would be if I went to another church completely and made sure I never saw your face in town again. And... I don't want to do that. Is that..what you want?"

Elijah was so close Gabriel could almost sense him with every piece of skin. He turned his eyes to the man, meeting them. Another mistake. His breathing became more superficial. He could feel himself becoming hot. He could see every detail of Elijah's face. Those deep, lovely eyes he could look into forever. What beautiful eyelashes. And those lips. He could lean in and just brush his own against them. No. It would become more than that. He could imagine it vividly. It had been a stroke of genius, to let priests wear long wide cassocks that concealed a lot.

The other man's words hardly registered as Gabriel stared into his eyes, debating with himself. And then Elijah was suddenly done talking. What? "No..." he said breathlessly. "No, I don't want that..." He shook his head, trying to break the spell. "I mean... I want you close."

Not what he had meant to say.

That was the wrong thing to say. Elijah stared at him. He stepped closer and took his hand in both of his.

"Then let me be close. I won't falter", if you don't ," and I will stay close as your friend which is all I ever wanted",when I didn't know I could even consider there being another option," and I know I'm not perfect in my Bible reading but... it isn't a sin to just love another man. As long as I am close to you. That is all I could ever ask."

Was he being too bold? Asking for too much? Most certainly. But he could see it in the other's eyes. And just standing here and holding the other man's hand. It brought so much joy to him, he could stand there staring into his eyes forever. What he did in the privacy of his own home later was a different story, but that wouldn't ruin his relationship with Gabriel or God. And he could be happy for now.

Gabriel's hand was warm. Even with Elijah's gloved hands, the touch felt enthrallingly right. Perhaps Elijah could even feel his pulse. Gabriel could certainly feel his own heart pounding. He wanted to kiss Elijah. Just once. Hold him. Pull him close. Feel his body against his.

Friendship, that was what he talked about. That was what he should focus on. Friendship. It had to be, for he couldn't destroy everything by acting upon his desire to....

Focus.

He placed his free hand on Elijah's. He didn't know what to say and looked down at their entwined hands. His thumb caressed Elijah's gloved hand.