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This time, Nesah could not entirely hide her true feelings, and she scrunched her nose disapprovingly. It seemed that as Uriel had taken on the lifestyle of the riff-raff, he had also adopted their lack of self-respect and decorum. Or had he always been this dramatic? It was certainly more deplorable in an adult than in a teenager. "We've all been very busy, Uriel. Goodness, we've had Menachem's crimes to keep us occupied. But there's no need to act like a hurt child over it."
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That earned a guffaw of the humorless sort. He grabbed the back of the chair he had been occupying and sighed. "Busy. Yeah." He wanted to tell her to forget her tea, to never come back to see him. He loved his family, but they were all mad, he thought. "So I have to live a life of crime to get you to visit me more often, eh?" His words were flat and dispassionate, but he was no longer shaking with his ire.
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Nesah maintained her disapproving look while she ate some more of her bread. But as she looked at his posture and his words sank in, her expression softened. Had he actually been hurt by the lack of communication? Had he actually missed them?
Dear Uriel. Despite his size, he really was the gentlest and most sensitive of them all. Zech was courteous, but underneath all the civility it was clear as day that she was an unwelcome guest. Menachem had lost his mind and seemed to hate the entire world. Penina was busy with her family, and Nesah always felt like a burden when she visited (and her dreadful children were certainly a burden on Nesah). Most of her siblings were too busy to bother with her. Had Uriel... actually cared?
"That's not what I said," she said, her voice more quiet and unsure. "I had not thought you would care much anyway, being so busy with university and all... I'm sorry." And she meant it.
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"I didn't mean to yell at you or lose my temper, and I am sorry," and he meant it. "But I did and still do care... even if we disagree on things. Even when Zecheriah is at his worst, I wish he would take the time to visit me when it regards something besides my doings as of late. Even if you all pretended to be happy but resent me for my choices, you're still my family and I love all of you." He wanted to smoke his pipe, he was genuinely upset. He sat down and then her words from earlier reverberated through his mind... "You really like the bread? It relaxes me to bake. I know it's a silly little thing, but it really helps." In fact, he had pictured Zech's face a few times in the dough when he punched the air out of it.
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Nesah calmed down further, when Uriel seemed to do the same, and she was grateful for the temporary respite. "I do," she replied eagerly. It was true, baking was an considered an activity for women, and more properly even for female servants. But going to university and getting a job was still largely considered an activity for men, and so Nesah wouldn't dare to mock him for it.
She watched her brother quietly and finally reached across the table to touch his hand. "Look. I disagree. Strongly. And I urge you at least not to convert. They've tried to convert us for centuries, and it would be bitter irony indeed if a marriage would draw you in now after all. You could find a liberal community, if nothing else. But whatever you do, you're still my brother." She said that reluctantly. She probably would resent Uriel for his choices. But he seemed hellbent on his plans, and Nesah knew when to admit defeat.
At least for now.
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He heaved a sigh because she was right to bring up the fact that their people had been persecuted. "I need time to think. I promise I will think about it." He turned his hand over and gave hers a squeeze despite their disagreement. "I understand why this is hard for all of you, I do... Katherine isn't Jewish, she isn't blueblooded either... I know it's not what anyone wants for me, but..." he lowered his head, "This fighting with you and Zech, and probably the rest of us, isn't making anything better. But you all have to understand too that I am trying to do the right thing. I am glad you like the bread."
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Nesah gave him a nod and withdrew her hand. She cared less that the woman was poor than she cared that she was a gentile. Money could be earned or inherited and the ways of proper society could be learned. But this Katherine would always be a gentile. And so would the children. Still, she agreed to drop it for now and give Uriel time to draw his own conclusions. It wasn't difficult to imagine how the argument between Uriel and Zech had unfolded. Zech, being the self-important snob he was, had probably only driven Uriel to a stronger commitment to his choices. Nesah wouldn't make the same mistake.
"I do. If farming doesn't work out, you could always become a baker." God help him if he did. At least as a farmer he owned land, small as it was, and even if he worked the land himself. "Why farming?"
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"I am not farming to make money if that is what you think. I think the better thing to call it is homesteading. A garden for planting and a few animals like a cow or two for milk, chickens for eggs... I could go on, but the point is to be more frugal and live off the land more." He smiled then and went on, "It's been incredibly busy for me lately with all there is to be done before spring arrives." He was doing more work than he should be, truth be told, but the man didn't want to sit idle anymore. "I just... can't sit on my hands anymore, Nesah. I could have finished school to be a lawyer, but that drivel put me to sleep and I don't like arguing until I am blue in the face like Zecheriah."
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Why on earth would someone actively choose a life frugality as if it was something to be aspired to?
And suddenly a thought crossed her mind, and it was hard to unthink it: What if... Uriel had lost his mind? What if the stress and hard work of university and being away from home and the isolation had just made him snap? And now he was making all these poor decisions because he wasn't thinking clearly! Maybe there was no baby and he was just telling himself the woman was pregnant. Wait! What if this Katherine herself didn't exist?! No wait. She had seen clear indicators of the presence of a woman.
She would need to talk to Zech about this. If Uriel was indeed losing his mind, he needed help, not lectures.
She realized she had spaced out as she was thinking on these things and hadn't really listened to Uriel. She tried to recall the last thing he had said. "Zech likes to argue a lot, that's true."
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"Certainly," he murmured, taking note of the way she had been staring off. He was blissfully unaware of the gears moving in his sister's head and just glad they were being civil for the moment. "Are you quite alright? You seem to be woolgathering right now." He took a sip of now, tepid tea, and made a face.
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