By Wit & Whitby
Fair and Balanced My Arse - Printable Version

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Fair and Balanced My Arse - Joseph Blacke - 12-23-2022

The air in the Blacke kitchen was thick, not from a burning dinner or pipe smoke but from swearing.  Joe hurled the open newspaper across the room in disgust at what he had read:

Gareth Scott's newspaper 'article' on himself and his wife.  

"That fook!" Joe raged, his nostrils flared. His language was foul, affirming the reporter's claims of Joe's lowly origins. "I'll kick 'is balls so high, Whitby football club'll sign me as a goalkeeper!" His threat an alusion to a common play in the beautiful game.

"How can they print this joss?" he snarled, pacing about the room, unsure of intent or direction. There was no expectation of an immediate answer to his question, just energy and anger needing to be unleashed.  Anger rooted him to the spot rather than spur him to leave the house to find and box Gareth Scott.

The 'article', if it could be called such wasn't fit to be used in a privy. There were some truths sprinkled in among that steaming pile of lies. Truth: they had been seen together at a wedding; truth: they had married; truth: he had appeared in court; truth: his address; truth: his family. Lies: the rest of it. Written for sheer spite, dragging innocent two young people into the gutter for the enjoyment of others.

"I'll bet the Carringtons paid that fooken lickfinger ta write this. Nothin' more than a hook-nosed weasel in a school boy's uniform!"


RE: Fair and Balanced My Arse - John Blacke - 12-23-2022

John had only been home 24 hours before being shown this article had appeared in the local rag. His father would be livid. Home so little time and already causing problems but this wasnt just him this time. His brother and wife had been brought into it aswell as all the family.

John had already flipped out earlier reading the article and he could hear Joe doing the same as he made his way into the kitchen of the house thier parents owned.

John walked into the kitchen and handed one of the beer bottles to Joe he was carrying before opening his own with the jack knife from his pocket and handing the bottle opener to Joe.

He shook his head "we can't seem to catch a break can we? We both try to sort our lives and someone drags us and our family....married and biological through the muck! Who is this jumped up little prick?"


RE: Fair and Balanced My Arse - Joseph Blacke - 12-23-2022

Joe was mid-seeth when his brother entered. John Blacke - hero of Her Majesty's army; his broad shoulders, striking jawline, and abrasive personality made him a ruggedly handsome pain in Joe's arse.

"Allo to you an' all. See ye wasted no time readin' this. 'Is name's Gareth Scott ta answer yer question."


RE: Fair and Balanced My Arse - John Blacke - 12-23-2022

John laughed. "Good to see ya too Joe" he teased before taking a drink from the bottle and sitting down at the table "I didnt get a choice in the matter. I was shown it"

He thought for a moment "Gareth Scott........Gareth Scott... I've heard the name but can't think where. I get the feeling he's throwing people under the cart to make a name for himself"

Regardless of the past between them, John was a different person than the one that left, Joe was his little brother, they were in this together. "Has ma or pa said anything about this article?"


RE: Fair and Balanced My Arse - Joseph Blacke - 12-23-2022

Joe threw up his hands in acknowledgement of his ignorance "'ow should I know? Probably. A waggin' tounge eager for rumour and story must of told 'em."


RE: Fair and Balanced My Arse - John Blacke - 12-24-2022

John sighed "yeah your right" he took "im sorry for the past between us. I want to put that to bed and move on. This doesn't just affect us this article. This could even effect Kate. It effects everyone. We need to deal with this! Together!" He sighed once more "I received a telegram today to tell me that I'm no longer being promoted because of this article coming to light. So hes costing me part of my career aswell!"

He finished the bottle and looked at Joe once more "I don't know your predicament Joe and quite frankly that's none of my business but the stuff about me is true so right now I've no idea how much is lies and how much is truth. Can you fill me in with the rest?"


RE: Fair and Balanced My Arse - Joseph Blacke - 12-26-2022

Joe took a deep breath, mentally recalling the various twists and turns in his wild courtship of Pearl. In the silence of the moment, he knew he would do it all over again because she was worth every bit of it.

“I met her at the station, like the article said – but she was a mess, cryin’ all over.  I offered a hankercheif, and a kind word.  Even cryin’ she was the prettiest woman I’d ever seen.  That fool Robert Carrington accosted me cause he didn’t like him talkin’ to ‘is sister…”

Joe recounted the recent events of his life for the benefit of his brother with little side ramblings 

"I swore Kate not to tell a soul.. two bottles and sweets! bloody highway robbery.."

“…It’s also true that we met at Ward weddin’.  Turns out she knew Rose too. We danced in the Cragg, but it’s a weddin’, that’s what ye do, don't ye?!” Joe’s voice was thick with a plea of blantant obviousness. 

The tale continued..

“…That night at the whore ‘ouse.. that was stupid. I was only going to ask her to go to the football with me, but she had taken off to confront 'er brother.  I couldn’t let 'er go alone. No man would. We barely got in the room when ‘e put a pistol to is head.  That’s the truth…”

“…It just happened, we stood on the beach in the dark, I said we should marry. She said yes and it was a mad dash to Gretna Green from where we just returned.”

And now a return to the present moment. “We might 've cocked this up a bit, but I love ‘er. I'll fix it somehow.” Joe rose from the table to clean up his mess.

"She deserves a quiet and 'appy life." He said, gathering the sheets of paper off the floor. "She doesn't deserve this," he crumpled the paper in his hand in frustration.


RE: Fair and Balanced My Arse - John Blacke - 12-31-2022

John sighed and helped his brother tidy up. "You haven't cocked up" he said as he tidied up the paper "this isn't your fault" he sighed "he's gripped at straws to get a story, we'll sort this"

He thought for a moment "I've already sent a telegram to one of my contacts in the army to find out more about this guy. He sighed "you both deserve to be happy, you don't deserve this either. I'm the one who caused all the trouble for our family not you".

It truelly hurt John to see his brother like this and he would do everything in his power to help him


RE: Fair and Balanced My Arse - Joseph Blacke - 12-31-2022

Joe paused and looked at his brother. Who was this man? Where was the cruel, cocksure, tousle-haired youth Joe remembered as John Blacke? Perhaps his time on the frontiers of the Empire had forced him to grow up. A brush with death might do that to you? If true, Joe pondered, it would have been the biggest micracle since bloody Nazza - that place where Jesus turned water into wine. Though he might have mixed up his bible stories.


RE: Fair and Balanced My Arse - John Blacke - 01-07-2023

John paused for a moment "yeah ive done alot of stupid stuff, stuff I'm not proud of and regret. One of which was the way I treated you! And for that I'm sorry. I'm man enough to admit I was a dick" John sighed

"I'm due to sign up again in a little under three years but don't think I will be allowed to, one because of the injury and two because of this article. The telegram didn't just say i was losing my chance of promotion. It also told me to stay here and not report to the base until the matter has been investigated further. Ma & Da don't know yet"

He sat back down

"So let's put the past behind us and sort this together. For you, your wife......all of us"