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+---- Thread: [Complete] [CW] See the Me Inside of Me [Streets, Yards, and Homes] (/showthread.php?tid=312)
See the Me Inside of Me [Streets, Yards, and Homes] - Elijah Crane - 06-15-2020
Elijah was a mess. He couldn't handle himself any more and he wasn't able to work in his condition. Who would go to a constable for help that would burst into tears? Since his priest was gone (and even if he weren't that would open an entire new realm of problems), there was only one small possibility. He stared at the house as he walked the path to it. So much had been happening lately he felt like his head was spinning.
He wiped at his face, hoping that his tears were gone and it wasn't clear as day that he'd been crying. He surely wasn't about to tell anyone what had happened, he hoped that Ben merely had a way to help him with his stress and what to do when it felt like the world turned against you. He may suggest converting to his church, at this moment he'd almost consider it. Anything to change what was going on, though he certainly didn't want to believe his problems were divine punishment, it would make sense.
He knocked on the door softly, "hello? It's me, Elijah..."
RE: See the Me Inside of Me - Benjamin Ward - 06-15-2020
It was Will who opened the door. "Elijah! Come in!" Bram jumped up, ran over and hugged him. But Ben cast one look at the constable and told his sons:
"Will, Bram, go and help Anne on the beach. And then go by the post office whether there is any news from Alice, all three of ye."
Bram pouted and Will looked from his father to Elijah with a little frown, but both boys left. "What's wrong, Elijah?" Ben said, as soon at the door fell shut. He picked up the net he and the boys had been working on and put it in the corner, to make space.
RE: See the Me Inside of Me - Elijah Crane - 06-16-2020
Elijah watched them go, wondering why he was sending them out but supposed he wanted to talk. "S-sorry, Ben. It's just.. " He sat down and hung his head holding it in his hands. "I am losing control. Between that guy at the paper writing stuff to make people lose faith in me, and my priest that I could talk to when I was bothered leaving, I have people thinking the worst of me, and I am just feeling.. exhausted. I feel like I can't take much more."
RE: See the Me Inside of Me - Benjamin Ward - 06-16-2020
Ben listened with a deepening frown. Poor Elijah. He knew of what the papers wrote, because people talked about it, and it worried him and irritated him. But he didn't know the constable had let it bother him so much. He reached out and put a hand on Elijah's shoulder. "Anyone who thinks poorly of ye is a fool, Elijah. I wish ye wouldn't listen to them."
RE: See the Me Inside of Me - Elijah Crane - 06-16-2020
Elijah looked down as his mood didn't lift. "You're very kind, Ben, but.. I can't help but question myself. I just want to help people, it's all I've ever wanted, but I find myself sensitive to how people speak of me. It doesn't help that the few times I've made friends outside of you, things have gone sour. One person I want to help and save but I'm feeling used and he has yelled at me and acted like I do nothing but cause misery to him, it makes me think I'm just.. being used though I don't want to think that." He closed his eyes and sighed. "I was on good terms with the priest but... "He didn't want to reveal anything even accidentally. " I am certain my depending on him as someone to talk to has hurt his presence and helped cause the reason for his leaving. It just makes me wish.. I could completely turn off my heart and not care about anyone. I hate being alone and not having many friends, and I wish I didn't care, but.. It becomes clear more and more that I am a fool to think I deserve otherwise." He covered his face feeling like he'd start crying again.
RE: See the Me Inside of Me - Benjamin Ward - 06-16-2020
Ben got up, sat down next to Elijah and put an arm around his shoulders. Elijah had always been so sensitive, from childhood on, and Ben had often worried about him, and about how other children treated him. And even now that he was a man, he still seemed too sensitive and kind for this world. "Ye mustn't talk like that about yerself, Elijah. If anyone's deserving of friends, it's you. You're the kindest person I know. But ye mustn't let people mistreat ye," he had an idea whom Elijah was referring to. "Ye don't deserve bein' used or mistreated, and ye must stand up for yerself."
RE: See the Me Inside of Me - Elijah Crane - 06-16-2020
Elijah was grateful that he was being kind and his arm was somewhat reassuring, there was still too much upon him. "But.. well.. remember how you are always trying so hard to help your kids and sometimes you go too far? You certainly mean well but its misunderstood? What if I am doing that. I'm trying to be a good friend and care, but its too much and it isn't seen as that. Then I'd be pushing away one of my only friends and it is my doing. I am not good making friends and certainly not at keeping them, so i always question if the problem is me. And I don't mean my scars. I know they aren't the problem when no one can see them.. I'm wondering if just being nice isn't enough..."
RE: See the Me Inside of Me - Benjamin Ward - 06-16-2020
"If yer talking about t' drunk fool I brought to yer house, the problem is certainly him," Ben said. He had found it hard to understand why Elijah had liked that guy, and he wasn't sorry to see that friendship end. "T' problem is you're tryin' to be friends with people who don't deserve it, and they end up hurtin' ye, because they're bad people."
RE: See the Me Inside of Me - Elijah Crane - 06-16-2020
Elijah looked down, he didn't think he felt shame but he felt something that only made him feel more pathetic. "I feel everyone needs a chance, and sometimes people at the bottom need a friend. Being difficult doesn't necessarily make someone a bad person. Besides, your family are the only nice ones who care to be friends with me." He said that though he thought Ben thought himself above these people and he wasn't as high as he thought. His friends attacked Noah for what he did to Alice. He was more of a troublemaker than he realized, but Elijah knew he was a good person at heart just with different idea of morals and justice. "People get rougher when it's all they face in life, so I want to try to change that. It doesn't mean I wouldn't be friends with others if the offer came, but I guess I know better."
RE: See the Me Inside of Me - Benjamin Ward - 06-16-2020
"Aye... I'm not sayin' it's wrong to try and help them... Just... perhaps ye get too invested in them, expecting friendship, when that's not what they can give." He pulled back his arm, for Elijah seemed to have calmed a little and it was awkward. "There's plenty of people who appreciate ye and who would be able to return t' friendship, and maybe ye should spend more time around those people."